


you made me a murderer

by Dabberdees



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: And takes massive liberties with it, Angst, Author revisits You Should Kill Us All On Sight, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Gen, Graham as a kid would've watched the moon landings live, Like a series with different stories within leading to the series final, She'll do anything to protect them all, Thasmin if you squint and I mean squint, The Doctor is nice to The Fam, What's a bit of Murder between friends?, morally ambiguous doctor and graham, the trolley problem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-07-27 11:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20045050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: Graham lashes out, quick and deadly, and when he comes to his senses, he faces his actions when he spots the pale dead creature in front of him. He just doesn't know why he murdered it in cold blood until the Doctor explains.And he hoped that would've been the end of it, but then Ryan and Yaz were in danger, and he promised to look after them. Wanted to make sure they got home safely. It's just a shame that the choice provided tainted his and the Doctors souls even further.After all, what's a mutual murder, or a few, between friends?





	1. The Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a one-shot, but chapter two came along and bugged me until I wrote it.
> 
> Chapter one and two set up the entire fic, but the fic is based around 'The Trolley Problem' which is:
> 
> You see a runaway trolley moving toward five tied-up (or otherwise incapacitated) people lying on the tracks. You are standing next to a lever that controls a switch. If you pull the lever, the trolley will be redirected onto a side track, and the five people on the main track will be saved. However, there is a single person lying on the side track. You have two options:
> 
> Do nothing and allow the trolley to kill the five people on the main track.  
Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the side track where it will kill one person.
> 
> Which is the more ethical option?
> 
> Graham and the Doctor are faced with a similar problem. Save Ryan and Yaz at the cost of twenty-one, or let them die while the twenty-one live... and then it just goes downhill from there.

The first thing Graham feels when he comes back to his senses is the strange alien blood coating his hands and clothes, wet and slick and then he spots it in front of him, the makeshift weapon still buried within its torso.

His eyes go wide when the memories come back and he stares at the creature, at what he just did- He scrambles back, eyes locked onto the corpse of the alien he just… he just _murdered_ in front of him, and he doesn't know _ why_. What could make him do that?

He falls back against the cold wall and slides down, body hitting the floor hard, and he never once removes his eyes from it. Why? Why did he kill it, it- it didn’t do anything to him, did it? It just looked at him, and before he could even stop himself, he picked the nearest object and-

_ Stabbed it,_ repeatedly and viciously and without mercy until it was dead. The urge to kill was so strong, and he's a bigger build than the pale alien dressed in a black suit. It never really stood a chance.

He buries his head between his knees, but the memories stay now, and all he can picture is the weapon going in and out… and then he remembers the feel of the blood splatting across his face. He’s a murderer… so much for being the _ better _man.

He throws up, off to the side, but as he wipes a hand across his mouth, he tastes it. The telltale iron taste of blood stuck on his face and hands. Forever. _Tainted_.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there for, eyes locked onto the unmoving body. The chill of the wall and floor embedded itself within him ages ago, and the blood across him has completely dried and stained itself across his flesh and soul. He knows it would wash from his skin, but the image of it dried across his bodied hands is now permanent.

There are shouts for his name, and he hears the voices of Ryan and Yaz getting closer, and he knows they’re going to hate him and ask him why he killed it, but how do you say “_I don’t know why_” truthfully? He’ll be kicked from the TARDIS that's for sure once the Doctor finds out about it; he’ll lose what he has built with Ryan and Yaz, well, she’ll hate him.

_ 'They all will' _His internal voice says, and he leans over to the side and retches again, but nothing comes up. Everything he could've thrown up has gone already. His legs protest the sudden movement, but he ignores them as the thought that his family are now going to hate him settles within him.

And his anxiety grows, he’ll be alone and with no one… and he deserves it because why would the Doctor, someone who is kind, someone who _would never do_ what he did, ever want a _ murderer _on her ship? Why would Ryan ever want one for a grandad? And Yaz, a police officer… she’d arrest him, and she would well be within her rights to do so.

“He’s through here,” Ryan's voice calls out. “I heard something.”

And he wishes they would go and leave him… and not see this, not see what he did, but the sound of their feet approaching will show them now. What he truly is — a monster like Tzim-Sha, someone capable of killing. Someone capable of murder. He wonders if the alien even had a family, wonders if there is a kid and a partner out there where he's their Tzim-Sha after what he did.

There’s a skid across the floor, and then Graham hears the gasp he knew was coming. “Graham!” Yaz shouts and comes forward, her hands reaching for him. “Are you-” But she pauses when she sees the dried alien blood, an almost red but it’s uncanny and not human, coated across his hands, clothes and face. “Graham?”

“What the hell happened?” Ryan asks, and Graham looks to his grandson and catches him looking at the creature. “Yaz,” Ryan says, drawing her attention when he points to the creature Graham killed in cold blood lying dead on the floor.

“Oh my days,” Yaz says, her voice whispered, and she moves away from Graham and heads towards it. “I-” She stammers, and Graham watches her face when she realises it’s fate. “It’s dead.”

Graham spots Ryan snap his head to him and then his eyes widen when he finally notices the same coloured blood spread across him. “What-” His brows furrow and his eyes frantically search his grandad's body for the telltale sign of an injury… something to explain why he’s currently covered in the aliens' blood. “What the hell did you do?”

Graham stares up, eyes filling with tears and with a lump growing in his throat. “I killed it.” He whispers, voice slightly hoarse from lack of use.

Ryan’s face goes through a series of emotions and then it settles on confusion. “Please- please tell me you had a reason… and it better be a damn good one-” His eyes dart around. “-like it was you or it-”

“Ryan,” Yaz says, and Graham hears the reluctant tone to it… she knows what he did. Her police training tells her that. “It wasn’t self-defence.”

And Graham hears the defeat in her voice and the confusion. The next thing he feels is Ryan’s hands suddenly on his jacket, pulling him off his feet and slamming him back against the wall with his head hitting it harshly. He doesn’t fight.

“I’m _ sorry_.”

“You’re sorry?” Ryan repeats, voice filled with ice. “You fucking killed someone, how can you be sorry for doing something like that?"

Graham stares back, and he sees the hurt mixed with fear and… hate? Maybe, or maybe he’s just seeing what he deserves or what he feels inside as the hate mirrors back at him. “I’m-”

He gets cut off when Ryan lashes out, his fist connecting against his face and he stumbles back, knowing he deserves it. He spits out the blood in his mouth, thankfully his own this time. "I'm sorry, Ryan." He says again.

“RYAN!” Yaz yells, and he spots her rush forward quickly. She places herself between them, but she avoids looking at Graham. “Step back, Ryan.”

That’s when Graham hears another set of feet coming towards them and then they to skid across the floor, but he catches her eyes look over the entire situation. From Ryan’s angry pants, his fist clenching in what Graham knows is pain from the punch. From Yaz’s control over the situation but he sees her hands shaking, and then towards the dead alien on the floor.

Graham feels the pain from the punch lessening, and he almost wishes it wouldn’t as he looks up and into the eyes of the Doctor. He sees the horror in them — the horror at him.

“I-” Graham looks away, her intense gaze boring into him… one she saves for things she goes up against, and he supposes that that includes him now. He stands straight and looks back, whatever she decides to do about him, he’ll take it. “I killed it, Doc, there's no two ways about it.”

The Doctor flicks her eyes to the alien and then back to Graham. “I’m sorry,” She takes a step forward. “I’m so sorry, Graham.” And she does something none of them were expecting as she takes him into a hug, hands suddenly gripping onto him tightly. “It wasn’t you.”

Graham frowns, and he pulls away from her, eyes flicking across them all. “Don’t give me that crap, Doctor.” He uses her full name, not the nickname he made for her this time. “I killed it… I remember doing it, and I own up to it.” He steps back further, back hitting the wall. “And I have no reason for it-” He glances to the dead alien, and there’s an urge within him to kill again when he latches onto its face. “I just saw it, and I had to kill it.” He says truthfully. "I had to."

The Doctor steps forward again. “I know, Graham, and it wasn’t your fault.”

“You know?” Ryan says, voice still shaky. “How the bloody hell do you know? And he just said he killed it.” He blurts out, and he stares at Graham. “He’s a murderer!”

The harsh tone in Ryan’s voice cuts directly through like the weapon he used against the creature, but he notices the Doctor when she shakes her head. “You should kill us all on sight, does that sound familiar, Graham?”

The comment causes Ryan and Yaz to frown, both sharing a glance between each other but Graham stares at the Doctor, mind foggy with thought. “You should kill us- One small step for-” He murmurs and a distance memory, one long forgotten hits him. _ ‘You should kill us all on sight.’ _ He looks ahead, eyes not locking on any of them at all as he focuses entirely on the creature. “One giant leap for mankind.”

“What is he talking about, Doctor?” Yaz asks, her arms now lowering when she senses the danger is over. “Why is he talking about the moon landing?”

The Doctor ignores her and steps forward. “Graham, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Why wasn’t it?” Graham frowns, confusion settling in. “I killed it- _ no _, there is something… I remember a video when we were watching the moon landing... there was a thing- It looked like-”

“A video?” Ryan demands, eyes flicking between them. "What is going on?"

The Doctor nods, and she sighs. “They’re called the Silence.” Each human looks to her. “And you’ve been killing them since the moon landing.”

Ryan flicks his eyes between the Doctor and Graham. “He has?”

“No, not Graham specifically, I mean-” She looks to Ryan and Yaz. “Humanity has been killing them.” Then she frowns and looks back to the creature and towards Ryan and Yaz. “Do you feel anything when you look at it?”

“What do you mean?” Yaz probes, eyes flicking to the dead Silence and feeling nothing at all.

“Is there anything you feel at all-”

“She means do you want to kill it,” Graham says casually like one would when talking about the weather and it causes them all to look at him again. “Because I do-” He points at it. “When I look into its face, I- there is an _ urge _. I can’t explain why or what it is, but it’s there, and I think it’s been there for years. There is a voice within my head telling me to kill them.” He looks back at them all again. “I don’t know why.”

“I know why and I can explain, but you have to understand why I did what I did- I gave them a chance, but they refused to take them.” The Doctor says, voice low and almost filled with shame. "We should go back to the TARDIS, and I'll explain."

And she does explain everything to them when they’re safely back within her ship and sat around the kitchen table. She talks about Amy, Rory, the Silence, Canton, and River; she explains it all and every detail.

And for the first time, they all see her in a new light as Ryan stalks from the kitchen, one part angry at the Doctor and one part ashamed that he actually physically hurt his grandad for something that genuinely wasn't his fault. He’ll come round Graham thinks, and he hardly blames the lad for lashing out like he did. 

But then Yaz follows after, and she’s quieter than usual with an almost conflicted look in her eyes like she understands what the Doctor did, but she kept her hands clean… and made humans, humans like Graham into her weapons of vengeance. Her conscious is clear, but his isn't. She's not been the one killing sentient creatures over the _years_.

Graham hangs around last, now washed and in a fresh set of clothes, the previous lot being thrown in the rubbish the instant he took them off. He stays seated, and he watches the Doctor, her eyes avoiding his now.

“Why didn’t Yaz and Ryan feel the same urge I did- no, _ do _?” He asks in a way to cut into her because he still has that urge to kill them whenever he thinks about them now. For some reason, he's retained the ability to remember them now. The Doctor mentioned that it might've had something to do with their lessening numbers over the years. "Why?" He asks again when she doesn't respond.

The Doctor eyes remain locked away from him. “I assumed that you-” She stops on you, and they both know she didn’t mean you, as in Graham, but it’s there. The reality of what she did to him and every other human within his age gap that watched the event live. “I assumed that humanity would always watch the video of when your species first landed on the moon, assumed that the message would carry on to the younger generations throughout time.” She finally looks up and into his eyes. “I didn’t think it would only apply to the people who were there- who watched the event live.”

Graham nods, but he snorts and laughs. The sound lacking humour as he stares back at her, eyes dark. “You assumed a lot, Doctor. When you made us your murderers.” He leans forward. “Made me a murderer after telling me not to kill lest I become like that creature that killed Grace.” There’s anger growing now as he hits the table, causing her to flinch. “But I’ve always been like that creature thanks to you, ever since I was _nine-bloody-years-old_.”

He stands suddenly, heart thumping in his chest and breathing coming hard. “You made me into a child soldier, Doctor, did you ever think about what you did? About who would’ve been watching that video clip?” He leans down onto the table. “My entire class stayed behind to watch it, it was the best thing that happened that entire year, and you know what happened when it was over?”

She shakes her head, but he knows she can guess what him, his classmates, and his teacher did. “We killed them,” He lowers his head. “We killed them all, and we never remembered that we did. Until now, I remember them all, Doctor, every single one over the years.”

“I’m sorry, Graham.”

He feels her reach a hand out to him as he settles himself back into the chair, body and mind tired at the realisation of what he is now and he could pull his hand free, shake of her care, but he doesn’t. Not yet.

“I don’t blame you,” Graham says. “I don’t very much like you at the moment, but I don’t blame you because I get what you did, I do.”

“Fair enough.”

Graham nods. “You can drop me back off in Sheffield for the time being,” He finally pulls his hand free. “It’s probably best for all of us.” He spots the fear flash across her eyes, maybe at the possibility of being alone. “Not forever.”

The Doctor looks back at him, and there’s a hopeful glint to them. “I can work with that.”

“You better Doctor because the next time you stand there and give one of your heroic speeches about saving lives; I want you to look at me and remember what you made us do, made me _do_.” He stands again. "I'm your constant reminder."

And with that, he turns and walks away from her, feet and soul heavy. He was never one for believing in an afterlife, you sorta lose faith when you’re dealt the hand of cancer, but if there is one, then he’s not sure he’s ever getting there now. There’s a lot he needs to work through; it’s not every day you get to remember every living creature you killed over the years after all.

Especially when it was your friend that caused you to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter needed to set up Graham's mindset and what the Doctor did to the Silence is interesting to think about.


	2. Terox Corp - Part One

_One month later…_

And for the first time since that fateful trip where he learnt more about himself than he ever wanted to know, Graham is making the short walk to the Doctor’s ship. Ryan went on ahead, giving him time to be one hundred percent sure that he was ready.

But if he’s honest with himself as he stares at the Blue Box appearing in view, he’s not so sure. About coming back, that is... because he isn’t doing it for the adventure or the escape like he did before. No.

He’s doing it because he promised Grace that he’d look after Ryan, and in part Yaz, and he can do neither sat at home waiting for the pair to come back. So that’s why he’s doing this because someone has to keep her in check. Someone has to watch over them and make sure they come back alive.

Graham looks up at the TARDIS on his final approach, it’s light beckoning him over, and he comes to a standstill outside the doors. He takes a deep breath and brings a hand upwards, brushing it against the handle and finding the doors opening with a click.

With an exhale he pushes the door open and steps inside, his eyes flicking around and spotting that not much has changed really. Maybe there’s a bit more mess dotted around — empty mugs, a few plates and jumbled up stained t-shirts.

“Grah-” A voice calls out, one he hadn't heard since he told her he needed time to think. “Graham.” It says again, more clear the second time.

There is a hopefulness to her voice, but it’s tinged with trepidation. It seems Ryan never told her he was coming back. He looks to the others gathered inside, eyes flicking to Ryan who nods at him and then to Yaz who seems surprised to see him again in the TARDIS.

Graham finally focuses on the Doctor, and he sees her nerves displayed across her body as hands fiddle with something he couldn’t possibly guess at what it would do or is. “Doctor.” The Doctor’s face falls ever so slightly, smile dimming at the fact that he used her full name. Not the nickname. They aren’t there yet, and perhaps they never will be again, but he can be nice. At least.

“You came back.” The Doctor states.

He could turn and walk from the TARDIS, dig open that wound and be cruel, but he doesn’t because he’s not a cruel man, is he? He’s damaged, and he has blood on his hands but between the pair of them here. He knows his soul is brighter even with all the Silence he killed over the years. Maybe.

“I did.”

“Yeah.”

Graham’s attention gets brought to Yaz who’s shuffling from foot to foot, and then he looks back at Ryan again who looks about ready to self combust at the Doctor’s and his awkward conversation. He sighs and takes another step into the TARDIS with his hand extended to the Doctor. “We can start again, Doctor.”

The Doctor stares at his hand and then back to his face again. She nods and reaches out and clasps it in hers. “That’s fair, Graham,” They release their hands, and she takes a step back. “I’m- I’m glad to have you on board again, Graham O’Brien.” She smiles and turns to the console, patting the ship. “She missed you.”

“She did?” Graham asks unconvinced. There’s a rumble that sounds out through the console room — welcoming in a way if he had to guess. He smiles and looks into the central column, feet taking him towards the console. “Spose I missed her as well.” He doesn’t see the quick hurt that flashes across the Doctor’s face.

“Right Fa- you three.” The Doctor says as she claps her hands together. “What do you want to do today?”

Ryan shrugs, just glad that they aren’t trying to make small talk anymore. “I dunno,” He says honestly.

“How about you Yaz?” The Doctor changes tactics. “Anything in mind?”

Yaz flicks her eyes between the Doctor and Graham. “Um,” She pauses. “Something from the future? We haven’t done that in a while.”

“The Future!” The Doctor beams as she turns and rushes around the console with ease. Her hand is hitting buttons and pulling levers along the way.

And Graham watches her; his hands held against the console as she brushes past him and sends the TARDIS hurtling through space and onto their next adventure.

* * *

One that he’s thrilled he came along to now, and perhaps that's mainly sarcasm speaking. It started well, but they always do before it goes south very fast. At first, they were shown around the complex, a mining and resort company in the future. Their goal to use all the remaining resources on a dead moon to sell, and then to use the profit to make it into a habitable resort hotel.

Or so they thought. Dead, they were so sure it was, but they were wrong, so very wrong and its people are angry. Even more so when the guards shot at them, breaking parts off the golem-like creatures, but never killing any. Their stone too thick to cause any real damage.

The Doctor yelled at the human management there while he watched with narrowed eyes. He half expected her to make a comment about life and how dare they mine into a moon that they never bothered to check, but then she caught his eye and trailed off.

_“I’m your constant reminder.”_

Rung out in both of their heads just as the golem-like creatures attacked again, the door to the brief sanctuary breaking down and unleashing them on the nearest humans, the shots rang out again, and it was just his luck, first outing back on the TARDIS, and it nicked him. Burnt the flesh of his lower leg, but he had no time to dwell on as Ryan’s frantic hands pulled him off his arse and back onto his feet again.

Then they legged it from the room, Ryan’s arm supporting him all the way while they ran with heavy hearts, knowing that the people the golems had were dead and gone already. The sound of their crushed bones confirmed that for each of the humans and one Time Lord remaining. Minutes worth of running and the painful burn running across his shin and calf worsening, something he knows that’s going to scar, they came across a control centre.

And Graham watched as the Doctor ran her hands across the consoles with a human scientist they had with them. Their conversation about how it works going entirely over his head. He slumped down in a chair as Yaz, bless her heart, tried her best with her limited first aid knowledge to relieve some of the pain.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for, the dull ache aggravating him and causing a bad mood to build, before an alarm sounded out across the entire complex, causing them to look at the chief scientist they had with them as he explained what happened.

The golems figured out they needed oxygen to breathe and a dome to do it in. Their plan was simple. Destroy the tanks, or damage them at least and that would’ve been terrifying if not for the scientist saying that they can deadlock seal the rooms leading to the control centre, giving them time to call for help or figure out a way back to the TARDIS, but calling for help would be better because there are people hiding through the complex.

There was a downside to this plan, of course; there always is he noted in his head as the scientist explained that there needed to be two groups sealing the doors leading to the control centre. He volunteered but was shot down quickly for obvious reasons.

So it was Ryan and Yaz as one team, and the scientist and a guard as another.

It would’ve been fine… if it worked, but it didn’t, and now Ryan and Yaz are trapped. The scientist and the guard, dead, and the remaining human settlers locked away throughout the complex.

And the system, it's drawing oxygen away from unneeded rooms and to outlying sectors, main living areas, that sort of thing the Doctor said. The golems for reasons unknown knew that he, the Doctor, Ryan, and Yaz weren’t responsible for what the settlers and the miners were doing to the moon, and thankfully, they left them alone.

But that doesn’t help Ryan or Yaz, currently slumped against one another and trying their best to conserve the limited oxygen they have. It won't be enough, and Graham knows this, he can see it on the Doctor’s sagging body.

While the complex feeds oxygen to the other sectors, it takes it from the corridors leading to them — surplus to requirements. Living quarters and mess halls apparently take priority over unneeded corridors. Of course, Graham and the Doctor are safe, the control room being the most crucial room to supply. While Ryan and Yaz will die and he would've have failed in his one job.

Which leads Graham thoughts away from the day's events and back onto the Doctor. His eyes watch hers as they dart between two blinking buttons and he frowns. Mind wondering what could cause her to focus on that while Ryan and Yaz are currently dying.

It’s a strain, but he gets up and limps over, his hands using consoles as he goes, but he makes it there, and she doesn’t look at him. They’ve hardly spoken, but they’re alone now, and he needs to know why she’s so interested in those buttons.

“Doc?” She snaps her head to him. The use of the nickname worked a treat. He feels shame for manipulating her like that, but he needs her to answer his question. “What is the plan?”

The Doctor looks away again, and he catches her knuckles whitening as she clenches her fists. “You’d hate me.”

Graham narrows his eyes. “Hate is a strong word, Doc.” He counters back to her. “Grace said it wasn’t worth putting time and effort into hating people and I don’t- I’d never hate you, Doc.”

“You would if you knew what I had planned.” She replies, voice low. “They would as well.”

“Does it have something to do with the buttons?” Graham probes with a sickening feeling growing inside him as she nods for confirmation. “What do they do?”

The Doctor flicks her eyes between them and then looks to Graham, and he sees an ancient being for the first time. Her gaze tears through him, and if he were a lesser man, he would look away and perhaps run. He’s beginning to understand her a lot more now that the magic and blind faith wore away.

“What do they do, Doc?” He demands again.

“Humans are clever,” She answers, voice listless. “But I’m smarter, and I reworked their systems, made it so the oxygen will flood back into the corridor that Ryan and Yaz are trapped in.”

“That’s good then-” Graham says, and then he pauses, mind thinking over everything. If that were the case, she would’ve hit it by now instead of letting their oxygen run that low. “What’s the downside?”

“I kill everyone here,” The Doctor answers with the truth. “Not us, and not them, but everyone else here will die while we live.”

Graham swallows down the bile that rose in his throat. “No, that’s not an option-”

The Doctor snaps her head to Graham. “That’s the only option, Graham!” She yells, and he flinches back. “That’s only ever the option! It’s all bad choices, and you’re left with always making the wrong one.” She slams her hands down on the edge of the console. “It was meant to be different this time, but I failed you, Graham… I- you were right, what I did to you- what I made you become while I kept my hands clean.” She looks back at him. “I’m sorry.”

And his anger bleeds away in that instant because he realises she was left with no good options. She probably didn’t consider the consequences of her actions because he knows she’s not the type to dwell on what was. He managed to read that from her.

“I’m sorry, Graham,” She whispers, and he catches her hand going towards a button. He reaches out and takes her hand away, and he feels the shake to it. “They will die, Graham. I can’t fail them as well, I can’t fail their families, and that includes you and Grace, and Yaz’s parents.” She stares into his eyes. “And I can’t lose again, not after Bill, or Clara, or-”

“Doc,” Graham says as he squeezes her hand. “I’m not going to stop you, but I’m not letting you do this by yourself.” Her eyes widen when she feels Graham move their hands over the button that he hopes to save his grandson and Yaz’s life. “My hands are already bloody-”

“Graham,” The Doctor says. “What you did to the Silence was programmed in your head… this- this is a conscious decision, I can’t let you make it with me. This is _murder_.”

“You don’t have a choice, mate,” Graham replies, and he looks to the innocent-looking button. “Is this the correct one?” She only nods, and he swallows. Mouth dry. "I promised to protect him and Yaz, and I'm doing it."

And then he pushes their hands down and onto the button. Saving Ryan and Yaz, but dooming everyone else in the process. His hands may not be coated with actual blood this time, but he pictures it. Red and slick.

He’s a murderer again, and this time it was his choice. “They’ll hate us.”

“If they find out.”

Graham turns and looks to the Doctor. “You can’t be serious-”

“They don’t need to know, Graham,” The Doctor repeats. “We can leave this place.”

“You’re asking me to lie-” The Doctor stares back at him, and he sees her again. A new light, altogether. She doesn't need to point out that lying compared to signing the death warrants of living beings pales in comparison.

And Grace, well wherever she is, she would hate him because the Doctor is right. They don’t need to know. What they did here can be their secret because he’s already on a one-way ticket to hell. At least he'll see the Doctor there.

Ryan and Yaz are alive.

_What’s one little lie on top of it all?_


	3. Terox Corp - Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this was going to be a one-shot and then I wrote chapter two and now it isn't.

They stand there watching as the level of oxygen reverses, bringing life to Ryan and Yaz and taking it away from- Well, he doesn’t know how many and he’s scared to ask, but he needs to know. Needs to know how much blood he's added onto his hands now.

“How many?” Graham asks, voice barely audible. He doesn’t turn to look at her.

The Doctor looks down, eyes boring a hole through the console. “Twenty-One.” She answers, voice empty.

He stupidly hoped and prayed that it would be less than that, but even then it wouldn’t have mattered if it was one or twenty-one. They still killed them; they’re still responsible for their deaths. He leans down against the console as well, and the urge to throw up is there, but he won’t do it. “What do we do now?” Graham asks. He still doesn’t look at her. Can't bear it.

The Doctor turns to Graham and then she flicks her eyes down to his leg. “We need to get you back to the TARDIS first and then-”

“That’s not what I meant, Doc.” He says back to her. “I meant, what do- what do we do now that we’ve-” He trails off and he’s not going to cry. He doesn’t have the right to cry. He decided for the pair of them. He could’ve kept his hands clean and let the Doctor push the damn button, but even if he did that, become an observer, he’d still be at fault for not stopping her. “What do we do now?”

The Doctor latches a hand around his arm, and the gesture forces him to look at her. “We move on, Graham, what is done is done and we- we can’t change that.” She looks imploringly at him. “We have to move on.”

“Move on?” Graham demands with tension, and she nods, her eyes pleading with him to listen. “How can we bloody move-”

“You have to, Graham,” The Doctor interjects, her grip tightening against his arm. “If you dwell on it, it’ll tear you apart from the inside.” Her gaze pierces through his stained soul. “Trust me.”

"Wait-" Graham narrows his eyes at her and pulls his arm free. “That wasn’t the first time you did something like that, was it?” He frowns, but there’s a flash of anger bubbling. “Because you speak so casually about it now, expecting me to just- _Move on_ like I didn’t just commit mass murder.”

The Doctor turns her head away from him and stares down at the console. Eyes hard and locked against cold steel. “I-,” She stutters. “It wasn’t, Graham, it- it wasn’t the _first_ time.”

“First?” Graham repeats, and his frown deepens. “Just how many times have you done it?” He stares straight at her. “You stand there preaching and then- then I find-” He steps away from her, and the anger that bloomed within his chest breaks free, and he gestures harshly at her. “You stood there on that planet and demanded that I didn’t kill that bastard, knowing full well what you’ve done!” He's not an angry man, but he wants to lash out at the lies. Lies he believed in. "And I listened-"

“Does it matter?” She yells back, never once removing her eyes from the console as her hand jabs into it, driving her point home. “I’ve done things, Graham, worse things than this! _Twenty-One_ is nothing compared to what I’ve done, but you’d know that, wouldn’t you? How many Silence have you killed?”

He flinches at the remark and glares at her. “And who’s fault was that?” He chucks back at her. She looks away from him, and he exhales. They’re both tainted. He runs a hand down his face and turns away from her. “I’m not sure, not really. I mean, I remember them- but- but I’ve never counted them.”

The Doctor nods. “I did-” There’s a tremble to her hand. “-and when I close my eyes, Graham, I see them. I see them all.” She murmurs and looks back at Graham, eyes glistening. “And you do too. I’m sorry for turning you into me, I- I never wanted you to kill Tzim-Sha because I didn’t want that for you because I know what it does to a person."

Graham watches, and he sees the carefully constructed persona she’s built around herself fall away as sobs wrack her body. He steps forward, leg still burning and aching, but he doesn’t care as he takes her into a hug and he realises that he’s just as much as a monster as she is now because it doesn’t matter how many you killed. You’ve still killed. They stay stood together, both watching as the oxygen gets fully depleted in the living quarters — each light indicating a living person blinking out within moments of each other until it’s just them... and Ryan and Yaz.

The only living people left within the complex.

Twenty-One people. Would Grace have done the same? Graham can’t help but wonder. He could assume that she would. Anything to save Ryan, and that would offer comfort, but that would be an insult against the woman he loves because she wouldn’t. He knows that. She’d find another way; she healed people. She treated him. To think that she would make the same decision as he did is him trying to lessen the blame against himself. He lets go of the Doctor and steps back, wincing at the pain in his leg. “So-” He takes in a breath and focuses again onto her face. “-TARDIS then.”

The Doctor gives a slight nod, and she turns away from him and back towards the console. “We should be able to make it back to her, now that we’re by ourselves the golems should leave us alone.” She says as she moves her hands across the keys. Business as usual, or maybe just something to distract her.

“What about Ryan and Yaz?”

“They’re safe in the corridor. We’ll pick them up in the TARDIS,” She glances back at Graham. “-but first, your leg needs looking at.”

“Shouldn’t we pick them up first?”

The Doctor shakes her head. “No.”

“Why?”

“Because that leg has been left alone for far too long and it needs to be looked at and-” she glances at him. “You’d be best not seeing them for a while, let me talk to them.” She leans away from the console and comes towards Graham. “Come on, let’s leave this place behind us.”

They walk away in silence, the Doctor supporting Graham out of the door and away from their shame. The only thing left in their wake is a small, unassuming blinking light focused upon them and the console. One that if the Doctor spotted she’d make sure to destroy,

* * *

“What do you think is going on, Yaz?” Ryan asks, breath coming so much easier now. “I mean, it was hard to breathe before.”

Yaz frowns and looks around. Nothing has changed on their end, apart from the air quality. “I don’t know, Ryan, but-” She cuts herself off when she feels a gust of wind blow across her face, and then the sound of ancient engines ripping through space and time. Her eyes widen, and a smile lights up her face. “But I think the Doctor has figured a way out for us!”

Ryan and Yaz smile brightly when the blue box appears in view, beckoning them over to her, which they quickly rush to.

Yaz pushes the door open and quickly enters, followed by Ryan, who glances around with a soft frown crossing his face. “Where’s my grandad?”

The Doctor stares down into the console for a moment before looking up and smiling at Ryan. All fake. Not that he’ll be able to tell though. She’s a practised liar. “He’s resting up-”

“Can I see him?”

“Not for the moment.” The Doctor says, voice leaving no room for argument. Graham, at the moment, is in a very delicate position. The longer she can keep them away from him until he has a chance to get accustomed to what they did, the better. She spots the disappointment on Ryan’s face. “He’s fine though, just resting and sleeping. He’ll be up in no time. Probably complaining about food or something, my piloting.” She rattles off.

Yaz reaches over and rubs Ryan’s arm in a friendly and comforting manner. “He’ll be fine, Ryan; the Doctor will take good care of him, won’t you?”

The Doctor smiles at Yaz. Faithful and constant and always there to back her up. “Yup!” She says and then claps her hands together in one motion. “So, how about a trip somewhere? Or perhaps back to Sheffield? Sheffield is probably better for the time being.”

Yaz furrows her brows in thought. “Aren’t we going to make sure the people at the Terox Corp are safe?”

“Hmm?” The Doctor replies, already inputting coordinates away from the moon. She deletes the time and date for good measure as well. Can’t have the risk of coming back here anytime soon. “There’s no need.”

“Why?” Ryan probes. “The place was pretty banged up, shouldn’t we at least-”

“Ryan, there isn’t a need. I- we, me and Graham, we sorted it.” The Doctor says with a smile. “This is a time machine; we made time before we picked you two up from the corridor.”

“With his injured leg?” Ryan wonders with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s fine, guys.” The Doctor lies. “I did a little digging around in my pockets and found a jar with a tiny amount of that healing cream he used back in Gaul.”

Ryan nods, seeming to buy that answer while Yaz’s frown deepens. “Speaking about the Terox Corp, Doctor, how did you manage to fix it?”

“Fix what?”

“The air, we both felt it get lower and lower and then we could breathe again all of a sudden. Why?”

“I found a way to send air into the corridor you were in,” She says, this time telling the truth, but leaving out a huge part of it. “I’m very clever.”

“And big-headed,” mutters Ryan with a smirk.

“Oi, Ryan Sinclair, I heard that!” The Doctor says in a playful tone, but it’s forced. “I’ll dock points from you.”

“It won't matter how many you dock from me; I’ll never be able to catch up to Yaz-”

Yaz gives Ryan a light tap across the arm. “I just ask the right questions,” She says smugly and then turns to look at the Doctor with a smile. “Don’t I?”

The Doctor nods before looking back down at the console again. “You two should go and rest as well; it was a busy day today.”

Ryan yawns at the mention of rest, or at least a nap and nods, turning to head towards his room while Yaz lingers in the console room a moment longer. “Are you okay, Doctor?”

“I’m fine,” The Doctor says, eyes darting up to Yaz’s youthful and untroubled face. “Are you?”

Yaz stills for a second and looks taken aback by the question. She walks forward with a minor frown on her face. “I’m good, Doctor-” She reaches out a hand to hers and holds onto it. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She doesn’t know how close she came to dying, she doesn’t how close Graham, and she came to losing them, the Doctor suddenly thinks.

The Doctor turns Yaz’s hand over and holds onto it. It’s just them in the console room for the moment. Ryan’s just left and Graham, well… he’s not going to make an appearance anytime soon. Too much, he has to sort out in his head.

The Doctor smiles widely at Yaz, and it feels so put on, but she has to convince her perceptive friend that she’s alright. She holds onto her hand, the warmth welcoming and pleasant. “I’m absolutely fine, Yaz,” She says in what she hopes is a reassuring tone. “Now, I want you to go and rest or read, or cook, or whatever you humans-”

“I get it, Doctor,” Yaz interjects with a chuckle. “As long as you get some rest as well.”

And then she pulls her hand away, and the Doctor watches her go, heading in the same direction that Ryan went. She turns towards the screens again, eyes locked against them and when she’s convinced that she’s alone and that the TARDIS won’t lead anyone to her for the foreseeable future she breaks. Tears falling against the grating on the floor as the weight of what she did, what she made Graham- No, she didn’t make him do it. He made that decision for himself-

“But who brought him there, Doctor?” A voice says in her head. Male and at that moment in time, youthful. She pictures his bowtie, and when she looks up, she sees him staring back at her in the display — the man who forgets. And she hates him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorta winging this.  
Is it a character type study? Who knows?  
And then I left some tiny, and I mean, tiny Thasmin hints which will make this all the more heartbreaking.


	4. Terox Corp - Part Three

The Doctor left him here a while ago now. She called it a quiet room, somewhere that she comes to think, but he doesn’t want to think. Thinking brings him back to what he did, and he doesn't want that. At least not yet, but he'll be kidding himself if he wasn't going to think about it anyway. Whether he's in this room or not, it'll be the only thing playing on his tired mind.

Oh, he does regret it, but it was them or Ryan. People he didn’t know, just little blinking lights on a screen, impersonal or the rest of what's left of Grace. Their grandson, and that's not to mention Yaz, who might as well be his granddaughter. If her parents aren't here to look out for her, to keep her safe, then he'll do it, and it's not that she needs to be kept secure. She's capable, she's a police officer, but his instincts tell him he should watch for her as well before the Doctor leads her astray.

Which once again leads him back to what they did. If there were another way, the Doctor, she would’ve found it, but there wasn’t. She did say the only choices that you’re left with are bad ones and damn if she wasn't right. That wasn't something he wanted to find out.

He leans forward and rests his head in his hands. If he refused to come back to the TARDIS for an extra day, then he could’ve avoided all of this. Just allowed the Doctor to make the decision while he stayed back in Sheffield none the wiser to the darkness within her. _Within him, now? Maybe_? And now he's contemplating his own moral ambiguity.

That’s a thought he doesn’t need to go through now. Is he a good man? It’s something that if you asked him two months ago, he would've quickly answered with a yes. He’s never been arrested, always helped people out when they needed. Even took an older passenger bags to her front door once. Much to the annoyance of everyone else on the bus. He's a good man; only he's just committed _murder_. So where's the connection between the two? Was it always there... since it was programmed into him at nine years old by his mate, the Doctor, a preacher of peace... a _pacifist_? Cursed to find killing easy. Or, did he simply discover that when you're faced with the fact that you've killed living, sentient creatures throughout the years, what's a few more to add to the list? He groans and runs his hands through his hair.

She must've picked up Ryan and Yaz by now Graham wonders. He raises his head and locks his eyes onto the door to the room she placed him in. He wonders if she told them the lies of what they did or however she wanted to spin it to them. Better her than him. He’s useless at charades. He'll fold under the pressure.

Oh, and that brings his mind back to the problem at hand again. How is he supposed to lie to Ryan? Pretend that the only reason he and Yaz live is that twenty-one people died for them. The thought of lying about it- or more like, not telling the entire truth about it, makes him feel sick. Guilt? Perhaps. Fear and anxiety that Ryan will find out? Most definitely. They'll hate them. Ryan would never want to see him again, and who could blame the lad? He'd have nothing in Sheffield, only memories and where would that leave him?

He stays sitting there. For how long he really isn’t sure. It’s a while though, and when the door opens he snaps his head up in a flash of fear that it would be Ryan entering, but it’s the Doctor, and that's not exactly comforting. Not like it used to be.

“I picked them up, Graham, they’re resting.” She informs. Not as a conversation starter. Just something. Like talking about the weather. “How is your leg?”

“I don’t really care about my leg, Doctor.” Graham catches her frown at the use of her full name. “It’s fine, though, healing.”

“That’s good-”

“Let’s face it, Doc, you’ve not come here to talk about my leg.”

The Doctor nods her head and purses her lips. “No,” She answers honestly. “I came to tell you that we’re going back to Sheffield.”

“Makes sense, I suppose.” He murmurs, his eyes avoiding hers. “What did you tell them? By the way.”

The Doctor walks forward and comes to sit down next to him. “I said we fixed the problem.”

“Fixed?” Graham says, turning to look at her with disbelief. “We didn’t fix anything!”

The Doctor gaze hardens. “Oh sorry, Graham, I forgot I was meant to tell them what we decided to do.” She makes the motion to get up again. "I'll be right back-"

He pauses at the tone in her voice. Sarcasm dripping from it and the last time he heard it directed at anyone was King James. There’s the other part as well, buried under the sarcasm. One she uses on foes. “This entire thing is a fucking mess.” Graham bites out, anger at the entire ordeal, the choice, but mainly at himself. “The first trip back with you and that happened-” He laughs. The sound is hollow. “-the universe just loves throwing me under the metaphorical _bus_.”

The Doctor looks ahead, and he sees her thinking over something. “Did you want to stop travelling with me again?”

Graham furrows his brows at her. “That’s your concern right now? Whether I travel with you or not?” She stares back at him, and he shrugs. “Stay at home, stuck in that house that is Grace and be reminded that she’d never make the choice we made? Be reminded that she’d hate me for what I did?” He looks back. “Or travel with you and be faced with what I did? Those are my options, Doc, and they’re shit, but if I had to pick, I’d rather face what I did than visualise the memory of her hating me.”

“There’s a third option.” The Doctor says, her voice quiet. “I’ve done it before, could do it to you. Would be simple, you humans are easy to mess around with.”

Graham stares back at her, disregarding the last part of the sentence. He doesn't need to ask her to explain; he already knows how easy it was to do. “A third option? What do you mean?”

“I erase what you did, Graham, you’d be none the wiser. Not the Silence part, because Ryan and Yaz would ask, but everything at the Terox-”

“No,” Graham interjects. “Absolutely not.”

The Doctor looks at him, and she takes his hand, trying to make him listen. “You don’t have to live with it, Graham, I’m giving you the chance to forget. You'd be at peace, and you wouldn't have to lie to them-”

“No, I don’t want to,” Graham pulls his hand free and steps away from the sofa with a limp. “I’ve forgotten enough in my life, Doctor.” He says, his tone of voice cutting through the air. “I don’t want to forget what I did-”

“But you could-”

“NO!” He shouts, this time gesturing at her and driving his point home. “I told you I don’t want to forget because what if I remember again? I’d have to live through this-” He jabs his hand at his chest. “-and I can’t do that. When I learnt what I did to those Silence…” Graham closes his eyes. “I can’t do that again, Doctor, I _can’t_.”

“Then you need to get on the same page as me, Graham, and you’d better be quick about it.” The Doctor orders, standing up as well and walking closer to him. “Because we’re in this together and I need you on my side.”

Graham stares down at her, and he’s intimidated. Her expression, never once directed at him or the others, but now... He inhales and averts his eyes. “You go down; I go down.”

"_Yes_." The Doctor nods and reaches out to his arm, gently taking it. “We have to rely on each other, Graham. Ryan and Yaz, they can never find out. It’s just us.”

“_Us and them_.” He mutters, mind pulling up a song from long ago. “_After all, we’re only ordinary men_.”

“_Me, and you. God only knows it's not what we would choose to do_.” The Doctor answers back. "Pink Floyd."

Graham turns to look at her, surprised. “You know it? The song I mean.” He asks, stupidly. Of course, she would. She knew Elvis; she even gave him that damn mobile that came in handy. “It applies. I think, but we chose to do what we did.” He says, and his expression softens. “I appreciate what you offered-” He frowns, half wondering how she would’ve even gone about it, but he decides he doesn’t want to know. “-but I can’t forget.”

The Doctor nods. “Understood.”

There’s an awkward moment between the pair of them, and Graham taps his hands on his legs. His expression pursed. “If it’s okay with you I’m going to head to my room,” Whether he’ll sleep or not is another thing altogether. He’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it. “If that’s okay.”

“I won't stop you, Graham.” The Doctor says. “Do you need help getting back?” She asks, hand gesturing to his leg, but she's distracted by thoughts.

He shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll be fine.” She only nods in response before she faces away. Her body language indicating their conversation is over for the time being. Perhaps she just needs the space to herself.

“See ya, Doc,” Graham says, turning and limping towards the door. She doesn’t reply. She probably doesn’t even realise he’s going. Not really, not judging by the look on her troubled face.

He opens the door and steps out into the corridor that leads to his room. He frowns. When he came this way, it was straight from the console. It seems the ship herself is leading him back. Graham narrows his eyes as he looks around the corridor.

The TARDIS must know what they did… the Doc said she was alive; she'd have to know, surely? He’d ask what the ship thought, but that would be pointless seeing that the only one who’d understand her would be the Doctor herself.

Tearing his thoughts away from the Doctor, he turns and makes the journey back to his room. There’s a lot to think about, but mainly, he has to prepare to face Ryan. To look at the lad in the eye and pretend that his grandfather isn’t a murderer.


	5. Terox Corp - Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added what the 'Trolley Problem' is onto chapter one in a chapter note.  
But it's an ethical dilemma question,
> 
> I've also bumped this up to mature to keep it on the safe side for some stuff I have planned later.  


It’s eerie, and that’s the best way Graham can describe it. Quiet as well, like when you’re in the house by yourself, and you can hear your heartbeat. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Just drumming in your ears and you’d do anything to listen to something, but he doesn’t have that now. It’s just him, the control room, which he knows to be wrong, and… Ryan. Wait, Ryan, he wasn't there- and he's leaning down across the console, the Doctor stood next to him, and they're positioned in front of two blinking lights.

Graham frowns and walks closer… this isn’t right, but he pulls his thoughts away and focuses on what his grandson and the Doctor are talking about.

“We don’t have the right, Doctor,” Ryan snaps with anger. "Killing is wrong."

“Ryan, they will die!” The Doctor counters. "We'll lose them."

But it isn’t them. Voices are wrong; their mannerism are different. No… this is something else, something-

“You.” Ryan’s voice cuts through him. Judging. “What did you do?” Graham looks to his grandson, the Doctor missing now, and he sees the same hate levelled at him like he did when the lad found him with the dead Silence. “What gave you the right to pick and choose who lives and dies?” Ryan yells, pausing and then coming closer. “Who made you judge, jury, and executioner?”

It’s slotting into place now- Ryan knows? But this is wrong, something- Ryan’s hands are suddenly wrapped around his jacket again, pushing him against the wall, and then his neck… and he’s no longer in that control room, he’s in that building with the Silence, only as he takes his eyes to where the pale dead creature was, it isn’t there. He sees them.

The twenty-one people. Every single one of them lying dead on the floor. Their faces blurred because he didn’t know them, but they are looking at him. Judging him. And he can't blame them; he did it indiscriminately. Never bothered to know, just valued two lives over theirs-

_“You’re dead to me.”_

And then he jumps, hand grabbing at his sheets, heart thumping in his chest, and skin damp with sweat as his eyes dart around the room. It’s coming alive again due to his wakefulness and the realisation of what he saw settles within him.

“It was a dream, no, that was more.” Nightmare, his internal voice whispers instead. Guilt, remorse, fear about Ryan finding out-

This time there’s no mistaking for what he’s about to do as he gets up and rushes to the bathroom — the dismay- the absolute panic tears through him. Ryan can never know. He can’t ever hear him say that not after everything- it’ll… it’ll be like losing Grace all over again.

And he can’t do that, but he also can’t forget. Which means his only option is lying and hiding the truth of what they did together. The conjured image of the bodies seared into his mind. He leans against the side, still bent over, but he’s confident that’s everything he could've thrown up. His leg pulls in pain, the sudden movement aggravating it.

Graham ignores the pull and turns to hits the tap on, this time not even giving a moment of thought to where the water is coming from as he reaches over for a cup and fills it before drinking it in full and then turning to look at himself in the mirror, which he's reluctant to actually do, but he does, and this is the first time he’s seen himself since the control room, and to his surprise, he doesn’t look different. Tired perhaps, but that’s a given considering he’s just woken up. Graham brings a hand up to his face and brushes it against it, half expecting it to morph and show the monster within.

But nothing happens. It’s just his face… because that’s the monster. It’s not a creature from the far reaches of space that looks like something from a b-movie or _like_ Tzim-Sha, that insidious internal voice whispers in his ear. No, it’s just him- perfectly normal human-looking _him_. He’s the monster with blood on his hands.

“She was right, Graham, time to get on the same page as her.” He says, staring at himself. His blue eyes grey and dull. “Cause you can’t go back on what you did, son, you gotta move on." Even if it hurts to do it.

* * *

Graham left. That much she registered, but her thoughts are swirling through her mind like a twister ripping through a barn. There are voices all blended together- One Scottish- another northern. Both disappointed that she made the choice she did. A few others are understanding her choice… and the one she doesn’t think about most vocal about it. Of course, the Doctor of War would understand.

And then there is his. The man who forgets. He lead her friend Graham to this place- His hands are stained in blood because of him, and in some aspects her, but she wasn’t the one who made that decision to turn Graham and his friends into child soldiers. That rests on the older man in a younger body.

Thinking about decisions, she wasn’t the one who made Graham press the button with their hands. That one action, this time was on him, and she should be worried about that- should deny him to travel with her, but that would make her a hypocrite and would risk him telling them, and she can't have that. No, keep him on your side, another voice says… perhaps her seventh, or even one she doesn't want to think about... Scottish as well, feminine, but she’s not sure. It’s all the same now. She's lived too long, and all the voices change so quickly.

There's another reason to keep Graham around, and this is selfish because she can fall back on him and use him for support. A crutch and perhaps someone to look the other way if her first plan fails, someone who might even help if they do. There’s that Scottish voice in her head again. His angry eyebrows are looking at her in shame and regret. She was meant to be better; that's all he wanted when he regenerated.

And he even gave her a list of instructions, and she ignored them. Tore them up and threw them into a sun. Metaphorically.

Never be cruel. _She was._  
Never be cowardly. S_he was._  
Never eat pears. _Well, one for two has to count for something..._  
Hate is always foolish, and love is always wise._ They did what they did because of love, right, surely that covers it?_

The rest gets muddled between the voices; her internal thoughts spiralling out of control until his voice is heard again...

_Doctor, I let you go…_

Everything that her previous self asked of her… she failed, maybe not in the beginning, but eventually and in no time at all this time around. Slipped back into old habits and obsessions. Showing off for her new friends and taking them into danger.

Are they always destined to slip back and do shameful things? Possibly, but she couldn’t let down people again. Couldn’t let Ryan and Yaz die so pointlessly in the future, like Bill or in the past like Amy and Rory. With Yaz’s parents never knowing the truth of what happened to their daughter, and Graham losing someone he loves again and so soon after Grace. She knows what Grace’s death did to him, losing Ryan on top of it would’ve shattered the man's heart, and she shouldn't be the one to pick up the pieces for him.

The Doctor pauses on that thought… her musings are trying to place what pushed Graham to make that decision. Perhaps it wasn’t just because of what she did to him; maybe it was selfishness on his part as well. The fact that even he knew he couldn't live without them. She'd have to ask him to know for sure, though. With that idea in place, she turns and heads from the room. There's no goal in mind. The TARDIS will lead her to where she needs to go.

* * *

Sleep, as he predicted, never really came back to him after that nightmare. Tossing and turning and then looking up at the ceiling like it has the answers on it for him to cheat from. Nothing could hold the answers for him though so he gave up in the end, deciding that rather than lie around uselessly he’ll go and make a tea like a proper Brit.

Which is where he is now, staring ahead with a mug in hand. The steam hitting his face. It’s morning the last time he checked, and he’s prepared himself as much as he could. Showered, shaved. His leg is pretty much healed, the bright scar pink against his pale flesh — a reminder. And yet it still didn't wash away his sins. Nothing could.

Voices are coming his way, drawing his attention away from the spot on the wall he’s been staring at for the last however long and towards the door.

Ryan and Yaz. Awake and happy. Alive and not dead.

Worth it. At the cost of his soul?

That internal voice says so anyway… well, when he finally decided to be one-hundred percent with the Doctor on this. Simply backing up the decision he made. Covering all corners and trying to lessen the guilt weighing down on him.

_You didn’t know them._  
_They were strangers._  
_They were going to die anyway,_  
_And they would’ve if you never went there._  
_They were doomed the moment they started to mine on a living moon illegally._  
_It was merely a land feud, and you chose the side of the natives- Repeat ad nauseam._

Which, honestly, he knows is utter bollocks, because it was none of that. It was merely him making sure Ryan and Yaz lived. That was it. He never cared about the moon or its people. He never cared about the humans, that much was evident with the choice he made. The only thing he and the Doctor cared about were the two young humans approaching the kitchen.

And he wouldn’t change that. Ask him to make the decision again... and he'd find he would, and that's worrying. _You've done it once, what's another time, eh, Graham?_

Graham tries a smile on. Something to turn the blank complentative expression on his face into something more like himself which he succeeds in doing just as Ryan and Yaz enter.

“Mornin’, you two,” Graham greets them.

“Mornin’ gramps,” Ryan says back, his eyes darting to his leg. “How’s the leg?”

Graham glances down as well, mainly to hide the quick flash of shame appearing across his face at the term of endearment, one he doesn't really deserve now and pulls his trouser leg up. “It’s healing, I suppose.”

Yaz looks as well. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do much for with it when it-”

“Don't be daft, love, you did enough,” Graham encourages her, his eyes flicking up, and he smiles at them. “And the Doc, she sorted the rest.” _They sorted the rest…_

“Yeah. she said you managed to fix what happened,” Ryan says while he looks through the cupboards. “How?”

Graham lowers his trouser legs and stares into the mug. “I dunno, she did some stuff on the console,” He lies, and it leaves a taste in his mouth, which he tries to cover with a swig of tea. It doesn't work. “I stayed sat in the chair you left me in.”

“But if she fixed it from the console then why did we have to-”

“I dunno, son,” Graham repeats. “Why don’t you ask her?” he snaps and he winces. Well done, Graham, you _idiot_.

“Alright, fine,” Ryan says in a disgruntled tone. “I was only asking; you don't need to act like that.”

Graham takes in a deep breath and turns round to face Ryan. “I’m sorry, son, it’s been a long night, and the pain in my leg kept me up for most of it,” He smiles, but it’s weak and feeble and worst of all, it's forced. “I’m just looking forward to going back to Sheffield again.”

Ryan stares at him for a moment before nodding. "No, I get that- It was a stressful trip, but it worked out fine in the end."

Graham can only nod at that, his mug hiding a good portion of his face.

“For good?” Yaz asks.

Graham looks to her. For good? No, definitely not, not after what they did. “No, not for good,” He says, telling the truth for once. “Just until my leg heals again.”

“So you two, you’re good again?” Ryan wonders, leaning back from the cupboard with a cereal bar in his hand. “You know, friends instead of whatever the hell that was yesterday.”

“Yeah. We’re good… we learnt a lot about each other,” Graham reveals. More than you know, son, he adds on in his head. “Well, as much as one can be.”

“Oh thank god then,” Ryan exclaims. “Cause that conversation yesterday was a literal hell, gramps-” He looks to Yaz. “Weren’t it?”

Yaz smiles and shrugs her shoulders. “It was, kinda awkward, Graham.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be like that now,” Graham replies, bringing his tea up again. He hopes anyway… he should probably catch up with the Doctor before they’re all together again. There are things to talk about. “Anyway, I’m gonna go and find her-”

Ryan takes a bite from his bar. “How come?”

Think fast, Graham, that’s what you’re going to have to do now because lying will have to become second nature, old boy. “To check on my leg, maybe even badger her for some more cream if she has any, you know.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Ryan mumbles back at him, his attention brought to his phone when he pulls it out of his pocket. “We’ll see you in a bit then.”

“Yeah, just going to have breakfast,” Yaz adds on.

Graham nods at the pair of them and makes his way from the kitchen with a slight limp, face grimacing in pain when he faces away from them. Their chatter fades as he makes his way through the ship.

“I wanna find the Doc,” Graham says aloud. “Can you lead me there?”

There isn’t response this time, but as he limps further through the TARDIS, he finds himself being lead to the console room and to the woman in question who’s currently lying on the floor, her hands digging through the ships inner workings. “Ta,” Graham thanks the ship with an awkward pat on the wall before walking up to the Time Lord. “Doc... uh, what are you doing?”

The Doctor stops what she’s doing and glances up at him. “Hold this,” She orders, and he frowns at her, but does as she says. “Just making sure a date is deleted from her circuits.”

“What date… oh,” Graham trails off when he clicks on to what she’s saying. “I didn’t know you could do that-”

“There’s a lot of stuff you don’t know, Graham, maybe we can talk about it at some point,” The Doctor says, and Graham gives her a curious look, clearly wanting to ask what she means, but she diverts the subject away. “The TARDIS, however, she doesn’t like me doing this because it messes with her matrix, but in this case, it’s needed,” She glances up again and motions for the device back. “Isn’t it, Graham?”

Graham looks down at her and nods. “If you say it is-” He looks over his shoulder, just to make sure they’re alone. “Hey Doc,” He says in a hushed whisper. “I spoke to Ryan and Yaz.”

“What did they say?” She asks, voice half distracted while she reconnects the device back to the inner workings of the console. It sparks slightly.

“Not much, asked me about, you know what-”

“The Terox corp?”

Graham screws his eyebrows together. “You don’t have to say it-”

“Saying it doesn’t change what happened-”

“Yeah, but you speak about it so-” He gestures at her. “-_casually_.” He turns from her and leans against the console, wondering whether he should mention his nightmare to her.

“You look conflicted, Graham,” The Doctor points out as she gets up. “What's up?” She smiles and reaches a hand out to him. “You can speak to me.”

“I had a nightmare,” Graham reveals. “About Ryan finding out and-”

“He isn’t going to find out, Graham, not if we play our roles correctly,” She states, intense gaze locked on him. “We’re the only _witnesses_.”

Graham looks away from her, and towards the console, he’s leaning on. “No, we aren’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your ship,” Graham starts. “You said not to call her a thing, so that means she’s alive- She- she knows what we did, right? I mean, she has to.”

The Doctor inclines her head to the side. “You’re perceptive, Graham.”

“No, I pay attention, Doc, you might not think I do, but I do,” Graham says, defensive. He inhales and focuses on the Doctor’s face. “She ain’t gonna tell Ryan and Yaz about what we did, is she?”

“No,” The Doctor says, tone of voice driving the point home. “They wouldn’t be able to understand her anyway, none of you can.”

Graham looks at her, gaze calculating. “You said she missed me, was that a lie?”

The Doctor gives him a quizzical look and then frowns. “No, it wasn’t, she said she wanted “_The Tidy One_” back,” She scrunches her face at the TARDIS central column. “I’m not that messy.”

“The Tidy One?” He asks. "And you are messy, Doc." There's a rumble through the ship at his comment and then a sour look on the Doctor's face. He can't help but smirk smugly.

“It’s what she calls you.” The Doctor answers. “Mind you, when you called her a thing, she called you an equally insulting name back.”

“I don’t wanna know,” Graham says back to her, a small smile appearing on his face as he looks around the ship. “She could do with a clean though, seriously Doc, there are plates and cups everywhere, would it harm you to at least take them to the kitchen? Cause lord knows Ryan won’t… and it ain't fair to drop it all on Yaz.”

“I was busy, Graham, had things to do while you were sulking.”

They look at one another, both realising at the same time that their natural, lighthearted banter has come back to them.

“Oi, I wasn’t sulking.” Graham throws back at her, partly noticing that the issues he had before pale in comparison to what he has now and that should worry him. Should being the keyword there. "And that was-"

“Sulking about what?” Ryan asks from the door, causing both the Doctor and Graham to snap their heads up to him with a flash of panic from Graham and a blank expression from the Doctor when they see the two younger humans stood there.

“My leg,” Graham says quickly, and he spots the tiny amount of shock on the Doctor’s face at his quick cover-up. “She says her name is the Doctor, but I think she’s lying about that part.”

“I’ll have you know, Graham, that I have passed my medical exam.” She looks upwards. “Might be a few centuries out of date though, but that’s more than you have.”

“Did you manage to get any of that cream?”

“He used it all last night, but he’s fine,” The Doctor answers. “That’s why we’re back in Sheffield.”

“We are?” Yaz asks.

The Doctor nods as she looks to Graham. “I landed in your living room-” She holds a hand up when she sees him about to open his mouth “On no chairs this time.”

“How long since we left?” Ryan questions.

“Not long, Ryan, less than an hour.”

Yaz nods along with her answer while sticking her hands in her pockets. “How long do you think we’ll be staying here?”

The Doctor glances to Graham’s leg. “Until that heals.” She answers truthfully.

Ryan walks forward, his eyes flicking to Graham’s leg and then back up again. “Well, seeing that we all here, we could have a movie night or something,” He looks to the Doctor. “You’re bound to have space Netflix or at least be able to receive signals.” There’s a hopeful glint to his eye.

“We've had this conversation before, Ryan, you are not watching those films from your future.” The Doctor reminds him. Ryan only smirks back before making his way from the TARDIS, Yaz on his heels with the Doctor not long after them.

Graham watches them all for a moment, and his gaze locks on the Doctor’s when she glances back, gesturing for him to come along as well. He will go, perhaps a distraction, even if it is watching a film, will help him take his mind off the nightmare.


	6. 18th Century, America - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason why I bumped this from Teen to Mature is this entire story.  
PS: I'm English so forgive me if I get anything based on American history wrong!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a quick thing here; we're doing time skips, and jumping between mini-stories that will be titled with "Name ABC - Part 123" for example. I tried writing from the end of the previous chapter and it didn't work out because there is only so much brooding you can type out. So think of this like a series and each part are the episodes that lead to the end of the entire thing. The reason it took a while to get this out is that I actually wrote the majority of it out, it still needs to be edited and finished but it's there.
> 
> So this will be its own block within the overarching story titled "18th Century, America"  
I've gone back and renamed the previous chapters as well.

_A few weeks later after the Terox Corp incident..._

“America!” The Doctor shouts, arms wide and her coat billowing out behind her. She takes a deep breath and then scrunches her face in thought. “Late 18th century-” She crinkles her nose. "Between 1780 and 1785, if I had to guess."

“If you had to guess?” Ryan wonders aloud. “Can’t you be any more specific?”

“I think that was very-”

“Doctor, he’s using sarcasm on you,” Yaz informs her while given Ryan a light tap on the arm. “That was very specific.”

The Doctor makes a comical ‘Oh’ face before frowning and looking around again, eyes squinting in the darkness. “Late evening,” She opens and closes her mouth a few time, tongue tasting the air. Her frown deepens. "Hmm."

Graham glances over to her. "Hmm?"

She looks at him. "Hmm!"

"Well, that was a conversation you both had, care to share it for the rest of the class?" Ryan asks with amusement. "Or are you two keeping it a secret?"

Graham's face changes instantly, expression turning blank while he locks his eyes onto the face of his grandson as he turns to grin at Yaz. The Doctor catches Graham's eyes, and they share a moment, her urging him to relax through unspoken words and after a moment he returns his face to something a lot more natural. A fake smile barely hiding the panic building behind it. "We're not keeping anything a secret." He lies, the taste of it sour and bitter on his tongue.

"It was a curious 'Hmm', Ryan," The Doctor says, turning her attention from Graham and looking to Ryan and Yaz again. "There is a weird taste in the air." To prove her point, she sticks her tongue out and waves it around. She mumbles something that none of them can make out.

"Maybe try that again with your tongue in your mouth, Doctor," Yaz says with a smile. "Couldn't understand a word of that."

The Doctor pulls her tongue back in and grins back. "Sorry, I was saying that it makes your tongue go right funny," She frowns again. "Static, but with an almost ozone-ny flavour.."

Graham pulls his swirling thoughts back to the conversation at hand. "Static?" He frowns. "And that's not a real word."

"Mhmm," The Doctor murmurs and she walks further away from the TARDIS. "Weird for this time period. Shouldn’t be here, really shouldn't be here.”

"How weird is weird?" Yaz wonders.

"Very," her face scrunches again. "Should check it out, but-" She trails off and glances to Ryan and Yaz. "Iffy time period, not ideal, dangerous."

"Why?" Ryan asks.

Graham looks between them and thinks back to what the Doctor said about where they are and the time period. "You said the late 1800s, right?" She nods. "And we're in America." She nods again.

Ryan looks back to his grandad. "What about it?"

Yaz catches on to where the conversation is going. "Oh,"

"No, wait, I'm lost." Ryan states. "What's wrong with the year and where we are?"

"Ryan, we're in danger here like we were in the 1960s, only... it's worse, a lot worse." Yaz explains, but then she looks back to the Doctor again with faith. "But we'll be safe with you, Doctor, won't we?"

Graham flicks his eyes to her. “No, Doc, not this time period.”

"I can't guarantee either of your safety here," The Doctor says, truthfully and she watches both of their faces, and she sees the determination and hope that she'll allow them to stay and help and she admires them both so much. Their tenacity and the best humanity has to offer in front of her... and Graham. He's proved himself and how far he's willing to go, perhaps a tenacity in a different manner for him though. She focuses back onto Ryan and Yaz again. "If you stay, then you do what I say? No arguing, if I tell you to run back to the TARDIS, you run, got it?"

“Doc, no!” Graham says again, fist balling. "_No_,"

Ryan and Yaz share a look before turning back to the Doctor and nodding. "Sounds fair," Yaz says.

"Deffo, I can follow that-

"Doc, a word," Graham asks, voice neutral, but with an undertone to it. "In _private_?"

The Doctor flicks her eyes to Graham, finally paying attention to him and he's evidently leaving her no option as he turns and stalks away and out of the hearing range for Ryan and Yaz. "Graham!"

"Is he okay?" Yaz questions with concern. "It's dangerous, but-"

"I'll speak to him," The Doctor speaks up, cutting Yaz off. She removes her eyes from Graham's back and settles them on Ryan and Yaz. "You two stay near the TARDIS, this won't take long."

Graham turns and watches her on her approach, his eyes darting to a curious looking Ryan and Yaz trying to listen in and failing clearly.

"What?" The Doctor asks, her back turned to them and her face hiding from their view.

But he sees it clearly, and her expression is put out if he had to guess. "You can't be bloody serious, Doc!" Graham says voice lowered. "Take us out of here."

"Can't do that Graham, not when there is something-"

"You are leading them into danger again, and this time we can put a stop to it before it gets out of bleeding hand." Graham cuts her off. "Or do you want a repeat of last time?"

Her face hardens. "Nothing will happen to them, Graham-"

"Nothing?" Graham says. "How can you be so sure of that?"

"I won't let anything happen to them," She leans in further. "You especially know how far I'm willing to go to protect the people I care about," She cocks her head to the side. "Or have you forgotten your _hand_ in that?"

The use of the word 'hand' isn't missed on him, and if he weren't currently facing Ryan and Yaz, he would be showing his true feelings on his face. "Don't you dare use that against me, we did what we did because we had to. It was them or the others, and we couldn't avoid it like we can avoid this."

"You still feel guilty, Graham."

"And you don't." He snaps back.

"I feel _guilty_," The Doctor says, her voice turning harder. "But I don't let it rule my actions, Graham. Nothing will come to them here; I won’t let it."

"This is reckless, Doc, we don't need to be here," He flicks his eyes to the inquisitive pair looking over at them. "They don't need to be here, that's all I'm saying."

"And that's noted, Graham,"

Graham stands to his full height and narrows his eyes at her. "You ain't gonna stop them from coming, are you?"

"You try stopping them, Graham," She shoots back and damn if she doesn't have him in a bind with that statement because he couldn't stop them either. She reaches a hand out to him, and he'd pull away, but he can't, not with them watching the scene and she bloody well knows he can’t. "They will be fine, Graham," She smiles, teeth showing and he doesn't feel comfortable at all by it. "They have us to protect them, don't they? We won't let them down." She pats his arm and leans away. "Now come on before they start talking, you humans and your gossiping."

And then she turns and heads back over to them, leaving that pit in his stomach to grow. She drags him down further each day, each questionable decision that he doesn't try to argue her out off because he can't, because he knows he hasn't got a leg to stand on for picking morals, not when he clearly lost all sense of his a few weeks back.

So he watches instead as she wraps her arms around their shoulders and smiles at them. Friendly and with care and he's under no illusion that they won't be protected, she'll go to hell for them - _and so will you_ \- his internal voice whispers and isn't that the god-forsaken truth, but it’s just how far she… and he, are willing to go to keep them safe that concerns him. Will more people have to die to ensure their safety?

Graham takes a deep breath and walks forward and back into the group again; he spots Ryan giving him an intriguing look that he waves off with a half-smile. No doubt the lad will ask what their private chat was about later - _If he remains safe in this time period_ \- No, they will, positive mental attitude and all that. Not every trip in the TARDIS will lead to them nearly dying, they've had a good few weeks of safe travels, but on the other hand, how many have turned dangerous? Five? Ten? Too many to count?

That leads him to his next question; When will their luck run out? What if there isn’t a handy button next time? That is something he can't answer, and he's not sure he wants to find out.

And these thoughts roll around in his head as he follows behind them. The sound of the Doctor's voice carrying through the swampy area as she explains the trees around them, the different chirps and ribbits around them, among other pointless tidbits. All unimportant to his dark thoughts and they are distracting enough that he doesn’t notice when she trails off and picks her sonic out again to buzz it around the air.

"The power readings are stronger here." The Doctor says aloud, causing Graham to snap to reality. "We're coming up to a house.”

“A house?” Graham asks.

The Doctor glances back to him and nods. "The energy readings are pooling around there."

“Do you know what they are yet, Doctor?” Yaz questions.

The Doctor looks back to the sonic again. "Electronic in nature which is impossible for this time period, but suffice to say it's dangerous if left unchecked. For the time being no harm will come to it, but as soon as an electric current activates nearby..." She gestures widely. "Boom."

"Boom?"

She nods and looks to Ryan. "Big boom and by the time this area would get refitted for modern times, the energy will have built to a reactor level amount; we're looking at a possible nuclear bomb level of destruction."

"But nothing has gone off like that?" Yaz points out. "I know it's American history, but surely we would've been taught that or at least learnt about it."

The Doctor frowns. "That means we, or whatever we do, must stop it." She looks ahead again. "Then I was right not to leave-"

"Wait, Doctor," Ryan says. "If you say an electronic signal can set it off, then why hasn't it gone off with your sonic?"

"Brilliant question, Ryan! Ten points!" the Doctor beams at him. "To answer it, yes, in theory, the sonic can set the explosion off, but it won't, not in my hands or the hands of someone that knows how to use it." She looks forward again and gestures her arms outwards towards a particularly big, white house with balconies and porches in the distance. "That's the house."

They all turn to look at it, and Graham can help but instantly fret at the sight of it. "Doc, that's a planta-"

"I know what it is, Graham, but the energy readings are coming from there."

Ryan glances between them, still partly wondering what the two were discussing earlier. "A what house?”

“Plantation house.” Yaz answers. “We’re in the south, Ryan.”

Ryan looks at her, and a grim realisation appears on his face. “Slaves?” She nods and then he looks to Graham who looks worried. “Is this what you wanted to talk to the Doctor about, gramps?”

“Partially,” Graham replies, voice clipped before looking to the Doctor again. “Why can’t we just go? We don’t need to be here, Doc.” Graham asks again, and this time he'll put his foot down. “Just leave it, and we can go.”

“Graham we have to find the source of this energy, it’s been building, and I need to look at it, we can't just leave it to explode-”

“So send them back then,” Graham states again. “You and me can just check it out.”

Ryan looks between the two again. “Hey, we didn’t go back during the 60s, we ain’t going back now, ain’t that right-”

"You ain't going in there, son, and that's that, this is completely different to then," Graham interrupts, voice sharp as he turns and faces Ryan. “I ain’t letting you go-”

“I’m not a kid,” Ryan answers back as he turns to face Graham. “We stay together.”

"No, Grace would never forgive me if the scum in that house got ahold of you or Yaz," He turns to face the Doctor again, but that voice whispers in his head - _she wouldn’t forgive you anyway_ \- which he ignores. "This is why I didn't want them to come, Doc," He walks towards her. "They're in real danger here-"

"We can look after ourselves, gramps, and we're a Fam, aren't? We look out for each other," Ryan says, and he does it with the utmost faith in them. “The Doctor was in just as much danger with King James, same as Yaz, what's different this time?”

"The scum in that house are slavers, Ryan; these aren't just racist hicks in the south like it was in the 60s, this is _very _real and _very_ dangerous."

The Doctor looks back down to the sonic again when it vibrates in her hand. "The signal has picked up again; it’s growing, we need to take a look at it," She turns to head in that direction, only stopping when she hears two sets of footsteps behind her. She glances between them. "Ryan with me, safer with two."

“Me?” Ryan's says, eyes widening at the odd pairing, but he follows her orders and walks over to her, missing the sudden hostile expression levelled at the Doctor on Graham's face. "Yaz with Graham-”

“Doctor-” Graham bites out. "Don't you-"

“-and keep out of trouble-" The Doctor says over him.

"Are you sure you don't need me there, Doctor?" Yaz asks, eyes flicking between them all and picking up on the tension in the air. “Wouldn’t it be better?”

The Doctor looks over to her and smiles. "Me and Ryan have this; we'll be fine." She turns to look at Ryan again, but catches the look in Graham's eyes, the twitch to them and the clenched jaw. If he hadn't put his foot down, then she wouldn't be splitting the party up like this, but he has to learn that Ryan and Yaz, they will be protected. Like they were before and like they will always continue to be.

Graham glances to him, and he breathes hard, anger filling him at what she is doing, but he can't argue back, not in front of them. He looks to the Doctor again. "If you're _adamant_ about splitting up then watch out for him, Doctor, cause if anything happens to him, and I mean anything, I will hold you responsible for it." He says. The layered threat only noticeable to the Doctor herself and the use of her full name draws her attention to him. They stare at one another. Both challenging the other before the Doctor takes her gaze away from his and splits it between him and Yaz.

"I want you two to have a look around the perimeter." The Doctor orders.

"We can do that, Doctor, can't we, Graham?" Yaz says, trying to police her way out of a possible argument.

Graham nods after a moment but keeps his mouth shut in favour of watching the Doctor closely. The Doctor catches Graham watching her, and she ignores him again while giving Yaz a nod. “Come on, Ryan, let’s get a shift on.” And with one last look shared between them all, they leave and head towards the house and away from Graham and Yaz.

Yaz looks over to Graham and reaches an arm out to him, which causes him to snap his attention to her. "They'll be fine, Graham," Yaz encourages. “They will.”

After a brief moment, Graham nods. He knows Ryan will be fine in her care, or he at least hopes he will, but he's concerned allowing the lad to be in it in the first place. "I know." Oh, he knows too well, unfortunately. “I just- this is reckless and completely avoidable.”

"Are you alright?"

Graham glances to her, eyes flicking back and watching the Doctor and Ryan walking off into the distance and disappearing over a hill. "What do you mean?"

Yaz purses her lips and looks up to him. "You seem... distracted as of late and you argued with the-"

"I'm fine, truly, just-" He looks in the direction that the Doctor and Ryan went and for the first time in weeks he's about to be partially honest. "I'm just concerned and scared about Ryan and you, love, being here in this time period, anything could happen, and I'd hate myself if I just stood around uselessly and allowed it to."

"That's sweet of you, Graham," Yaz says with a smile. "But as Ryan said, we're a Fam, and we look out for each other."

"Yeah, we do," Graham says, faking confidence and fooling Yaz with it and that should worry him a lot more. Never could lie before and now they slip out without thought - _you're hiding your guilt from them because you'd know they'll hate you_ \- that voice says. "We're a Fam; we stick together."

"We should probably do what the Doctor asked us to do, Graham," Yaz says, already picking a direction and walking in it. "Come on."

He gives one last look to the way the Doctor and Ryan went before he too turns and follows after Yaz. If he can't keep an eye on Ryan for the moment, then he'll damn well make sure he'll keep an eye on Yaz. Whatever it takes to do it.


	7. 18th Century, America - Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this being late. I have the worst head cold right now and it took a while to edit it.
> 
> This is why it's mature and there is violence in it.
> 
> Pasted the wrong part in. See head cold.

They move in silence and keep low as much as possible on the approach to the house. It's still a way in the distance, but close enough to be able to see the flickering coming from the candles and lanterns burning within it.

Ryan swallows nervously. "Beginning to regret coming now," He mumbles beside the Doctor. "On account of the type of people in that house, Doctor."

The Doctor glances to him and sees the worry on his face lit up by the quiet orange glow of the buzzing sonic. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Ryan, believe me."

Ryan nods. "It's not that I don't believe you, Doctor, it's just I think my gramps had a point."

"We can go back if you want to?"

Ryan considers the option for a moment, and it's tempting, but he shakes his head. "No, I trust you," He takes a deep breath. "Apart from the slap I wasn't hurt in the 60s, and we stayed with you then."

"Are you sure, Ryan?"

"Positive," Ryan says, now looking at her. "We have to figure this out, don't we?"

She smiles back at him before gesturing for him to exit off the main path with her and towards a verge overlooking the estate.

Ryan gives a brief look around before saddling up next to the Doctor. “Can you tell where this energy thing is coming from?”

“Not sure,” The Doctor mumbles back. “The readings are saying it’s all over the place.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

The Doctor glances down to the sonic again. “It means that whatever this energy source is, it’s coming from below us.” She cocks her head to the side and places a hand on the soft soil. "There's a vibration under the ground."

Ryan frowns and looks downwards. “What like... from a cellar?”

“Not necessary, Ryan, and even if it was the signal is way too big to be a cellar,” She answers with a scrunched expression. “Wish I could get a better reading.”

“You got interference?”

“No, I don't think so,” The Doctor replies with honesty. “We should move closer.”

"Closer would put us directly in the open, Doctor," Ryan says, looking over the area. He catches something in the distances and gestures over to it. "That looks like a building or something."

The Doctor looks to where he is pointing and grins. "Oh, good eye, Ryan." She flicks her gaze back to him. “How about we take a look at it?”

Ryan grins back. "Are we gonna break-in?"

"It's only breaking in if you break the lock."

"I'm not sure Yaz would agree with you there, Doctor," Ryan smirks. "Good thing she's with my gramps at the moment then."

The Doctor smiles back at him and scoots herself over the verge; she reaches a hand down to Ryan. “Come on; coast is clear at the moment.”

Ryan accepts her hand, and they move low to the ground again, careful to keep out of direct patches of light coming from the inside windows and lanterns dotted on the well-maintained path. Ryan looks up to the house and swallows with nerves when they get closer to it. It’s imposing white walls contrast against the dark backdrop, and he’s glad it’s evening.

“In here, Ryan.”

He turns his head away from the house and enters through the door that the Doctor is holding open. He takes a look around and sees a bunch of farm like equipment, if he had to guess, stacked around.

The Doctor follows in after him and does a quick check as well. “I can get a proper scan without having to worry about being spotted by anyone coming out at night.”

Ryan nods, but there is a thought bugging him as he looks around the room. “Why did you want me to come with you?” The Doctor hmms at him, and he frowns at her. “Back there, why did you pick me instead of Yaz?”

“We haven’t been together for a while-”

“No, I don’t think that’s it,” Ryan states with a shake of his head. “Have you and my grandad argued again?”

The Doctor stops what she’s doing and turns to stare at Ryan. “Why’d you say that?”

Ryan shrugs and walks away from the door. “I dunno, maybe because he seemed-”

“Seemed what, Ryan?”

“I dunno-” Ryan says, eyes darting around. “He seems off, and he has been for a while.”

“Off?” The Doctor asks. “How do you mean?”

Ryan chews the inside of his mouth and furrows his brows. “You only see him when you pick us up, Doctor, same with Yaz, but I see him when we’re alone and back at the house and there is something different with him. He’s distant cause I catch him staring ahead, it’s weird for him.”

The Doctor turns away from Ryan with the pretence to pretend she’s looking around again when in actual fact she’s turning and hiding her face from view. “Different?” She never considered the times when Graham would be alone with Ryan.

Ryan leans back against a nearby support and folds his arms across his chest. “Yeah, he’s been different, ever since we came back from that moon and the other thing,” His voice lowers. “You know the-”

“Silence?”

Ryan nods and looks away from her. “You haven’t been fighting again, have you?”

The Doctor pauses her theatrics while still facing away from him, but she darts her eyes to the side, almost watching him. “No, we haven’t.”

“So what was that about back there then?”

She moves her thumbs across her fingers, a nervous twitch while her eyes narrow. “He’s just worried, Ryan.” She answers with a partial truth. He is worried, maybe not for the reason Ryan thinks, though. “That’s all.”

“Maybe, but-”

“But what, Ryan?”

There’s movement behind her, and she schools her features into something more natural and less calculating just as Ryan appears at her side.

“He never argued with you back in Montgomery, you know, when you asked me and Yaz to go back to the TARDIS, or when-” He frowns. “When you sent me to warn the bus passengers, he let me go without worry.”

“Ryan, this is a very different time to that one-”

“I know, but his tone of voice was different earlier, and it has been for a while, ever since that moon.” He says with worry. “What has changed so suddenly? Why is he like this?”

The Doctor looks away from Ryan and thinks back to it and the following weeks after. Of course, Ryan would notice Graham acting different; they live together. Careless, Doctor, a voice says. You left a loose end.

And she can’t deny that she didn’t leave one, even if he is her friend and she does care for him… but now she needs to think of something that will convince Ryan that Graham’s sudden change makes sense and that it isn’t because they did what they did. “Ryan, he was shot.” The Doctor says suddenly, deciding to twist what happened in a way that’ll make sense. “On his first trip back on the TARDIS, he was shot and I should’ve- should’ve made sure he was okay after that.”

Ryan widens his eyes at her, and that puts him on the back foot. “Shit,” He mumbles, eyes staring into the distance. “I didn’t think I just assumed that because he was up and about that-”

“He was fine?” Ryan nods, and she smiles at him. “It’s okay, Ryan-”

He steps away from her, and there’s shame in his eyes. “No, it isn’t, Doctor, I should’ve figured that he may be concerned or scared about that.”

“He’s good at hiding things, Ryan,” The Doctor says. It’s a half-truth because surprisingly, he is decent enough, he just needs to be a lot better at doing it, and that’s a conversation for another time. “Probably didn’t want you to worry about him.”

Ryan nods accepting what she’s saying for the time being. He looks back to her again. “So you haven’t had a fight then?”

“No, Ryan, we’re good, better even.” The Doctor exclaims with confidence. “Learnt a lot about each other back at the Terox Corp.”

“Oh?”

The Doctor turns and smiles at him. “Story for another time, Ryan, because we still have to figure out what the energy source is around here, don’t we?”

“Ah, true,” Ryan says and comes forward again. “What do you need me to do?”

The Doctor glances at him before she pulls out her sonic and settles herself in the middle of the barn type building that they’re in. “Just stay by the doors and tell me if anyone is coming, alright?”

“Okay, I can do that,” He says, glancing to the door. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to see if I can locate where it's coming from.” She frowns. “And more precisely, what it exactly is.”

* * *

They’ve looped away from the main house, and that means away from Ryan and the Doctor at the same time, but she asked them to look at the area they are in, so they are doing that. Well, Yaz is, Graham’s more concerned about her and Ryan if he's honest. He follows behind Yaz, content to follow because scouting around is something that is really not up his alley, but it’s something Yaz is used to, so he’s happy to follow, and it gives him a better chance to watch out for her.  
  
But he’s frustratingly bored now, the only sound around is little insects chirping away in the side plants, and he pulls at his collar again, regretting the decision of ever bringing his jacket, because the heat, even though it’s evening is relentless and sticky.  
  
“Graham,” Yaz says, pulling his thoughts to her again. “What’s that over there?”  
  
He looks to where she’s pointing and frowns. “I dunno, love, you’ve got better eyes than me.”  
  
Yaz glances at him and smiles briefly before turning to look again, and she takes her time trying to work it out. “I think it’s just a cart or something in, doesn’t look like much.”  
  
“All I see is darkness,” He side-eyes her and smiles genuinely. “Got old man eyes.”  
  
“You’re not that old, Graham, my nan is older than you.” Yaz points out before walking forward again.  
  
Graham chuckles at that. “Spose she is,” He frowns. “The Doc once said she’s older than Christianity.”  
  
Yaz turns sharply, stopping and she stares at him, eyes wide. “What?” She splutters out.  
  
“I was complaining about my knees one time and I dunno, she just threw that out there, really didn’t know what to do with that,” Graham explains with a shrug. “Made me instantly stop complaining about my knees, mind, so maybe she was just saying it to shut me up.”  
  
“Perhaps,” Yaz says with a shake of her head and turns back to the path again. “Speaking of the Doctor, Graham, are you two okay?”  
  
“Why would you ask that?” Graham probes with a nervous undertone. "We're... fine."  
  
Yaz pauses again and looks back to him. “You personally have had a lot to work through recently.”  
  
He can feel the heat building on the back of his neck, and this time it isn’t the humidity all around them. It’s his anxiety and guilt, and Yaz has spotted it, or at least she’s picked up on something going on. “It’s all water under the bridge,” Graham says, the topic distracting him entirely from checking out their surroundings.  
  
Yaz turns and fixes her eyes to him. “Graham, it’s not every day that-” She trails off. "What happened had to be a shock." She pauses, and she has a conflicted expression on her face. "When I learnt what she did to the Silence, or what her previous self did." Her brows furrow. "I understood it, but it-"  
  
"Yaz," Graham says, and the tone in his voice is clipped. "I don't want to talk about what happened." He doesn't want to think about what happened in both cases. "Please."  
  
Yaz nods and looks forward again. "Sorry Graham; it wasn't my place to try and-"  
  
“Hey!” A male voice shouts out to them, causing Yaz to shut up and both of them to turn and look at him. “What are you doing on Mr Grayson’s land this late at night?” He yells, and both Graham and Yaz spot the other two men coming up behind him. "Answer."  
  
Yaz steps forward. “We’re just-”  
  
“I wasn’t talking to you, girl,” The man spits out and focuses on Graham. “You, what are you doing here?”  
  
Graham flicks his eyes to Yaz, and he sees her eyes are narrowed and fists are balled. “Like my friend was going to say, we’re just out for a walk.”  
  
“This is private land.” The man states as fact. “You and one of her kind aren’t meant to be here.”  
  
“Oi,” Yaz says offended. “Who are you calling-”  
  
“Leave it, Yaz,” Graham says, coming closer to her and placing a hand on her arm in a gentle manner. “Leave it, he ain't worth it.” He says and puts himself in front of her. He looks to the man again and spots that he has his hand resting on his gun and narrows his eyes. Not ideal, not if they don’t want to be shot that is. “We’re not from around here; we didn’t mean to intrude on… this-” He steps the conversation back in his head to recall the name. “-Mr Grayson’s land.”  
  
The man looks them over but keeps his hand resting on his gun. “You English? Redcoats?”  
  
Graham nods. “Yeah, we’re English, and no, we're not-”  
  
“Still-" He spits on the ground and steps forward. "-English ain’t welcome around these parts and her,” He gestures with his head before looking down at his free hand. “She’s dressed fancy for someone of her station, she yours?”  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, is she yours?"  
  
Graham’s gaze turns icy, and he feels Yaz bristle behind him. “Look, we can be on our way-”  
  
“No,” The man states. “You’re on our employers land at night, and we want to know why you are.”  
  
“We were just out for a walk,” Yaz says, now stepping around Graham, much to his frustration. “That’s all.”  
  
The man narrows his eyes at Yaz before gesturing for the two men with him to follow him forward. “I don’t remember speaking to you, girl,” He flicks his eyes to Graham. “Out for a walk with her?”  
  
“Yes-”  
  
“That all?” The man interjects with a tasteless smile, and Graham clenches his hand at the thinly veiled suggestion.  
  
“Just a walk."  
  
The man smirks back to his friends and steps towards her. “On Mr Grayson's land?” He says. "Don't believe it."  
  
"We're telling the truth," Yaz says.  
  
The man ignores her and focuses on Graham. "Where are you from?"  
  
Graham flicks his eyes to the two guards now flanking them, and he sees that they to have weapons. He's at a loss of what to say. Doesn't even know which part of America he's in let alone what could possibly exist right now.  
  
"I asked you a question."  
  
Graham looks back to the man again. "We're from the town over-"  
  
"What town?" The man asks, eyes focused on Graham's face when he doesn't reply. "You're hiding something," His head cocks to the side while he flicks his eyes to each man flanking them. "And I want to know what it is."  
  
The men behind Graham make their move and grab Yaz by her arms. She calls out in shock and quickly moves away from them. Graham spins to face her. “Don’t touch her,” Graham says, placing himself in front of her again. “We haven’t done anything.”  
  
"Maybe," one of them replies with a smirk. "She's beautiful."  
  
Their hearts are thumping in their chests, eyes flicking all around them in the darkened landscape. "I won't let them hurt you," Graham whispers to Yaz, and he means it.  
  
The first man steps back and stares at them for a moment. “Bind their hands.”  
  
Graham turns and faces him. “Hey, hey, there ain’t no need to do that we haven't done anything-”  
  
He rounds on Graham and makes his way forward, and he feels his rancid breath hot on his face. “You were caught on Mr Grayson’s land in the middle of the night, you don't have any answer about what you were doing,” He flicks his eyes to Yaz again. “And with a coloured girl... a very pretty one at that."

Graham feels his hands get pulled behind his back by the two other men while the first walks around him and towards Yaz like a hunter stalking prey. He flicks his eyes back to Graham and then to Yaz again. "Perhaps we could have a little fun... after we bind the old man." The man reaches a hand out to Yaz and brushes it down her face. "She is pretty, after all."

The uncomfortable, sticky heat embedded itself in Graham ages ago, hot and suddenly exactly like the burning anger building within and perhaps it’s the situation they're in, the stomach-turning threat thrown at Yaz from some jumped up unimportant human from history whose name will never be remembered for anything useful, the stress he’s been under recently, or a combination of all three that sets him off and before either one knows what the other is doing, Graham pulls himself free from the men holding onto him and pushes himself into the man touching Yaz.

The sudden surprise sends him against the floor hard with Graham on top. His legs are straddled around the man's waist as he lashes out against his face with fury. “Don’t you fucking touch her,” He spits out, his fists now connecting against the man's arms which he has risen in self-defence. “I didn’t commit m-”

“GRAHAM!” Yaz shouts, snapping his attention from the man on the floor and to her. He clamps his mouth shut while his brain finishes off the sentence in his head - _I didn’t commit murder to let that happen_ \- and then he’s pulled from the man on the floor by one of the two men from behind. The unnamed man clasps his hands around Graham’s arms before roughly forcing him down and against the rocky path.

The man on the floor pulls himself upwards and spits out blood against the path before wiping a hand across his mouth and locking his eyes against Graham's. “That was stupid!” He yells. “You’ll fucking pay for that.”

Yaz watches as he approaches Graham, all swagger gone and replaced by rage and she rushes to intercept but gets caught by the final man who pins her arms behind her back. She’s helpless to watch as Graham gets dragged onto his knees while his arms are pulled behind his back.

She can't see through the man holding onto Graham as she pulls against her capture, not liking where this is going. Everything about it is setting off her warning bells which only get confirmed when she spots the man Graham attacked rearing back.

And then she hears the sound of flesh hitting flesh, repeatedly and no matter how much she pulls she can't free herself, can't move and help the man she considers just as much of a grandad as Ryan does. “GRAHAM!” She screams, tears escaping, and she struggles so hard against the man holding her back, his hands clamped tight around her arms. “Stop, please stop, he’s learnt!”

The man pulls back one more time before flicking his eyes to Yaz. “You’re lucky he was stupid enough to attack an employee of Mr Grayson because now we have to deal with him.”

And then he steps back, and Yaz sees the blood coating his fist. The man holding Graham drops him, and he falls to the ground unmoving. Unconscious if she had to guess, anything else doesn’t bear thinking about at this moment in time. Not until she can check him over anyway. His face is currently hidden from her view, but with the amount of blood on his fist, she can pretty much figure out how bad it is.

The man shakes his hand before looking at the other two men. “We’ll take them to the house and lock them in the cells." He wipes his hand down his jacket. "Mr Grayson will see them in the morning, ain’t no use in bothering him this late in the evening.” The man says before flicking his eyes to the man holding Yaz. “That one, the idiot, he ain’t going to be walking back so help John take him back.”

“Why me?”

The man sneers at the one holding Yaz. “Because I asked you to.” He looks to Yaz.

“What about her?” The man asks, releasing his hold on her so he can go and help pick his colleague, John, out.

“I'll escort the girl, and if she’s smart, then she won’t fight back,” The man with the bloodied hands says. “Or she’ll end up worse than him.”

The threat is there, and Yaz has seen proof of it. “I won’t resist.” She says and allows herself to be directed forward and towards the house.

She flicks her eyes to the men picking up the still form of Graham, and she can only hope that Ryan and the Doctor remain free because she’s at a loss of how to get herself and him out of this mess now.


	8. 18th Century, America - Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bright side, my head cold is going!  
So that's a plus.
> 
> I have been writing something else though that isn't as heavy as this for the Fanzine prompt. Got two for rescue uploaded.
> 
> Warning: There's blood in this and its 18th century America.

  
They’ve bound her hands together and the man who attacked Graham- Yaz swallows down the bile, because the man who attacked her friend, someone she cares enough to consider him part of her family, currently has his hand gripped around her arm and is pulling her towards the white house framed within the darkness of night and she can't do a damn thing about it.

She flicks her eyes back to Graham, and he hasn’t moved at all, which increases her worry. The man catches where she’s looking and sneers down at Graham. “He was stupid.”

“You didn’t have to-”

The man’s hand grip tightens around her arm. “You’ll do best keeping your mouth shut.” He leans closer to Yaz. “Or we can have a bit of fun here now that the old man is out of the picture,” He suggests. “Now, if you don’t keep quiet, perhaps we’ll think up a story for Mr Grayson, ain’t that right boys? How about we found him with one of his slaves and put a stop to it. Mr Grayson won’t know no difference-”

Yaz feels sick. She knows what he's hinting at, and she’ll be powerless to stop it from happening if they decide to do just that.

“But we ain’t gonna do that if you be a good little girl.” He smiles at her. “We are civilised, aren’t we gents?” There are two grunts of confirmation behind her. “So what will it be?” Yaz nods quickly, not daring to speak. “See, she learns.” The man says before pulling her along again. "You lot always do."

* * *

The Doctor looks at the readings coming from the sonic with a scrunched expression. “Readings like these are impossible for this time period.” She places her hands and the sonic in her lap. “If it were present day, then sure, that would make sense, but now? In a time period that hasn’t invented the lightbulb yet? I don’t buy it.”

Ryan frowns and takes his eyes from the crack in the door. “Doctor, you said something earlier.”

“Hmm?” The Doctor mumbles at him while her eyes are trained on the sonic. “What did I say?”

“That it would go boom if there were an electrical current nearby,” Ryan points out.

“I did.”

“So, why hasn’t it gone off yet?” Ryan says. “I mean they have to get lightning around here, there are trees all over the place, so it stands to reason, right?”

The Doctor looks up from her sonic and furrows her brows. “Good question,” She takes a moment to think about it. “I might’ve been wrong in my general assessment.”

“Wrong, how?”

“Well, perhaps not just any electrical source,” The Doctor explains. “With the right nudge from the sonic, I could tap into it now and make it explode, that much I can feel from it,” Her brow reminds creased. “But perhaps a lightning strike is too fast for it?” She jumps up from her seated position. “A lightning strike is instant, but something like a lightbulb is constant,”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that we really do have to stop it before they fit that house for the modern times,” The Doctor says. She paces across the floor with her hand on the bottom of her chin. “We'll be saying goodbye to half the state of North Carolina otherwise.”

“You know where we are then?”

“I’m ninety-nine per cent sure we’re in the Great Dismal Swamp, or at least near it,” The Doctor reveals pausing and looking to Ryan. “But I’m still not sure what the energy is.”

Ryan frowns. “Is it a spaceship?” He suggests. “Could be a crashed one stuck in the swamp like what happened to Luke’s in Star Wars.”

The Doctor grins. “We don’t have the Force to remove it, Ryan if it is.”

Ryan’s eyes widen. “You know Star Wars?”

“I was there Ryan, who do you think helped old George out with details?”

“No way,” Ryan says and walks over to her. “You having a laugh like you did with gramps when you said you were Banksy.”

The Doctor grins and winks. “Either way, if you’re right and something is stuck in the swamp… then I’m not sure how we’re going to get it out.”

“Without the force?” Ryan smirks.

The Doctor smiles and nods before going back to scanning the area again. “If I fine-tune what I’m looking for, then maybe I’ll be able to find something out about it.”

“I trust you, Doctor,” Ryan says with honesty. “You’ll figure it out.”

The Doctor smiles at him. “I’m brilliant me, and so are three humans-” She cuts herself off and snaps her head to the door. “Shh!” She whispers as she makes her way to the door with a crack in.

“What’s going-”

She places a hand over Ryan’s mouth and motions for him to be quiet. Satisfied that he’s got the message she turns her attention to the door. She feels Ryan leaning over her and looking through a crack above her head, and she frowns, being smaller than before, that's something else to get used to.

They don’t see anything at first, the darkness surrounding the area hard to look through, but they soon hear the shuffling of feet, the low grunts of two out of breath sounding men, and something being dragged. The Doctor darts her eyes around, wishing she could open the door slightly more, but it risks them being spotted. She suddenly feels Ryan tense up behind her, his hand gripping into her shoulder, and she sees why instantly.

One man, hand covered in dried blood holding onto Yaz who has her hands bound together and the other two dragging something behind them. She rotates herself so she can see what it is more clearly and when she does her hearts still.

Graham. Unmoving, unconscious… alive? She doesn’t know, but judging by Yaz’s terrified glances at him, she’s worried for her older and younger friend. The two men have looped their arms under Graham's, which gives her and Ryan the unfortunate position of seeing his head lolling around… and the dark patches of blood spread across his shirt.

They continue to watch them with Ryan’s hand, continually digging into her shoulder, and she wishes he didn’t see that. He's seen too much for a lad his age. She carries on watching as Yaz is lead into the house and as Graham is dragged up the steps. The door opens and closes, finally breaking their view of the two people they both care about.

Ryan steps back, and his eyes are wide and filled with fear. “Doctor,” He stammers, panic filling him. “We have to rescue them!”

The Doctor steps back as well and quickly shuts the door, sonicking it locked and then resting her head against it. Her mind is swirling with thoughts… Is Graham alive? What the hell happened? And if they did that to him, then what will they do to Yaz? Oh, she feels sick. Two more stuck in danger, one injured and the other who looked okay, but she can’t be sure. Not from that distance anyway.

“Doctor!” Ryan snaps. “We have to rescue-”

“Will will, Ryan!” She snaps back, causing the lad to back-off slightly.

“What will happen to them?”

The Doctor brings a hand up and places it against her mouth in thought. “They’ll want to ask them questions.” - _Or attack them again_ \- an inner voice says in anger. She’s given up trying to figure out which one is saying what now. All she knows if that the man with the bloodied hands has beaten her friend up… while she was focused on proving a point to Graham about Ryan being safe. If she listened to him and backed out, then he wouldn’t currently be injured, and Yaz wouldn’t be placed in danger as well.

“How do you know that for sure?”

Because if they didn’t, they’d be dead instead of bleeding… or she hopes, hard to know with Graham at this moment in time. She says in this in her head; anything else would alarm the boy. “Because they wouldn’t be taking them into the house if they didn’t want to, Ryan.” She says out loud.

“So what are we going to do then?” Ryan demands again with anger, and it’s not directed at her.

The Doctor considers her options, and none are great. She doesn’t know the layout of the house; the guards are obviously willing to hurt, her hand clenches with rage. She flicks her eyes to Ryan, knowing he’s in, if not, worse danger than them all and if they’re willing to hurt Graham, a white man, then who knows what they’d do to him or- or Yaz. Her eyes widen, and her hearts beat faster.

“I’m going in.”

“What?”

The Doctor glances at Ryan and then back to the door again. “I’m going in, Ryan, they won’t question me, not if I use my psychic paper.”

“Then I’m coming as-”

“No,” She orders with a shake of her head. “I already have Graham and Yaz in there; I can’t risk you getting caught up in it as well-”

Ryan brows crease together, and he fidgets under her gaze. “She’s my mate, and he’s my grandad, Doctor, I want to help.”

“Ryan!” The Doctor snaps, and he flinches. “Listen to me you are not safe here; This was a mistake I should’ve listened to Graham,” She says with anger at herself. “I want you to go back to the TARDIS-”

“Like hell, not when-”

The Doctor spins and faces him properly now, and she really isn’t in the mood to argue with the lad. “Go back to the TARDIS.” She enunciates each word, driving them home. “_Now_.”

Ryan glares at her, chest rising and falling and hands forming fists before he turns on his heels. She’ll have to apologise to him or something later, but that’s then, and this is now.

And she’s got two people to rescue.

Providing Ryan gets back to the TARDIS safely- "Wait!" She says aloud, and Ryan pauses. "I'm taking you back to the TARDIS, and then I'm getting them back, anyway I can." She unlocks the door and stalks ahead, her face a storm of emotions and hidden from Ryan.

* * *

They have been walking for a while, and all Yaz has done is focus ahead and on the house that has been looming ever closer and closer with each step taken. The men are quietly talking amongst themselves, but she’s not listening to them as she tries to wiggles her hands free, or at least looser, and she does. It’s slow going, but she manages to get some room between the binds just as the man pulls her up the steps, his hand knocks on the door, and it opens quickly.

He pulls her into the lavish foyer, and she hears Graham being dragged in behind with the door being closed. Her exit, gone… so she looks around instead and spots the glistening chandelier above alight. She swallows as she locks eyes with a few gathered people before they go back to doing what they were doing, and it's not hard to work out who they are. _Slaves_.

“What in the Lords have you brought in here Samuel?” Snaps a man’s voice from above them and it draws her attention to a stout of a man watching them from a staircase.

The man, Samuel, as she comes to know now him looks up. “Found them on Mr Grayson’s land, sir.”

The man walks down the stairs and gives her the once over before turning and looking down at Graham. “And I suppose, pray tell, you found him like that?” The man says, glancing back at Samuel.

“Uh no, sir, but he attacked us,” Samuel says, eyes darting to the men holding Graham. “It was self-defence.” _Hardly_, Yaz thinks.

The man hums at him and turns his attention back to Yaz. “And the girl?”

“She was with him, sir,” John says. “He said they were together.”

“Together?” The man asks. “What does that mean, girl?”

Yaz flinches at finally being taken into the conversation. She looks to the still unmoving form of Graham, and all she wishes to do is to run and check to see if he’s breathing. “We were just out for a walk,”

“A walk?”

Yaz nods, looking to the man. “That was all; we’re not from around here, we didn’t know this was someone's land.”

The man walks up to her and raises a hand before brushing it down her face. “What was he doing with you? You can tell me, girl.”

She pulls her head away, but the insinuation thrown at Graham sticks and it's a horrible thought, one that would make her sick if she didn't already feel it of course. “Nothing, we’re friends… we’re from England, that’s all.”

“England?” The man repeats. “Spies for them?”

"No!" Yaz’s eyes widen, and she shakes her head. “We aren’t spies, please, we were simply out for a walk, that was all.”

“If you were out for a walk, then why did your man attack my men?” The man asks.

Yaz darts her eyes between them all, from the slaves pretending not to hear, to the three men watching her carefully and now to the man, they all call sir. “He was worried-”

“And why would he be worried if he wasn’t hiding something?” The man asks with a smirk before turning to look at Graham. He walks forward and picks up Graham’s slack head, and Yaz sees his face for the first time in proper light and sucks in a shaky breath at the state it’s in.

Nose, clearly broken. Probably where the majority of the blood has come from if she had to guess. There are various wounds across the left side of his face, cuts and gashes. Samuel was clearly right-handed judging from the repeated punches he levelled against Graham’s face.

The man drops Graham’s head again and then gestures for a slave to hand him a cloth with a click of his fingers. “Take them to the cells,” He orders. “And you,” He gestures at a nearby slave. “Clean this mess up; this won’t do if Mr Grayson sees this in the morning.” He turns away and glances at Yaz. "You'll both be dealt with then."

And with that, he turns and walks away just as Samuel and the men from the path retake their positions. They drag both Yaz and Graham towards the kitchen and then down a flight of steps and into a celler. They’re lead towards a door.

Samuel drops her arm and pulls out a key. "Get in,” Samuel orders once he opens the door. Yaz follows his order and walks in before she quickly turns around and watches as they throw Graham in without a care. “We’ll come back for you in the morning, and you probably won't like what Mr Grayson decides to do with you,” Yaz catches Samuel’s eyes looking down at Graham. “If he lives.”

Then the door slams shut and she hears the click of a lock. She wastes no time in rushing to Graham’s side, and she rolls him into a position where he can breathe as her bound hand's fumble for a pulse. She breathes out with relief when she finds one.

But just because he has one, it doesn’t mean he’s safe. She doesn’t know what the repeated punches have done to him, and he’s lost blood, that much is for certain. Not to mention the fact that he’s been out cold since Samuel attacked him.

“Come on, Graham, please.” She sobs, hands holding onto his jacket. Being this close to him, she can hear the wheezing of breath coming from his mouth, which means she was right. His nose is definitely broken if he's breathing through his mouth. “You have to wake up,”

She doesn’t get a response. Not that she expected to, really. Yaz inhales and tries to calm herself down. Her hands are still tied together, although they are looser and that’s her first priority, get her hands free which she focuses on, and it’s slow, and it hurts, but she doesn’t care as long as she gets them free. Which she does.

One problem out of the way, just the rest now. She places her hands under Graham and lifts him gently. It’s a strain, the man is heavier than she expected, but she manages to pull him over to a wall to rest his back against it. Once that’s done, she pulls her jacket off and rolls it into a ball before placing it under his head for support.

She sits down in front of him and brings a hand towards his neck again. Just to make sure the pulse is still there. It’s steady, which is good, but she wishes he would wake up. She looks to the wounds on his face. Glad that they’ve stopped bleeding. That’s one worry gone, but it’s still shocking and horrifying to look at.

Yaz isn’t sure how long she’s sat there for before Graham starts to stir ever so slightly. Hands twitching and eyes flickering around under his eyelids. She smiles, well tries to, she needs to give him some comfort for when he awakens. “Come on, Graham,” She says, softly.

There’s a mumble, quiet, and she strains to listen in. She doesn’t pick up much, possibly a _sorry_, but it’s all unclear and unimportant as his eyes open slowly, closing partially as a groan escapes from his throat.

“Hey, Graham,” Yaz says, voice breaking. “Take it slowly.”

She gets a muffled noise back at her and then his eyes lock onto her face, clearly dazed, but they have life to them. “Yaz-”

“Shh, it’s alright-”

“No, it isn’t,” Graham mutters. “You weren’t there-”

She frowns at this. “Wasn’t where, Graham?”

“The- the-” His eyes close again, and there is a movement in his hand. “I don’t know-”

Yaz smiles down at him and takes his hand in hers; she gives it a reassuring squeeze. “You’ve been injured, Graham-”

“No,” Graham says, eyes opening again and locking back on her face. “You don’t understand, you weren’t there- it was just me and the-” Graham trails off, head lolling back down against her jacket.

“Graham?!” Yaz says with panic. “No, come on, you just woke up-” She reaches forward and takes his head in her hands, the slightly damp feeling of his face sickening against her palms. “Don’t pass out again.”

Graham slowly opens his eyes, the blue faded and puzzled. “Yaz?”

“Yeah, it’s me, we’re here together.” She says.

“No,” There’s a moment of clarity on his face, but it’s not there entirely. Almost, but focused on something else. “You weren’t _there_.”

Yaz frowns. That’s the third time he’s said that she wasn’t there and she’s beginning to think he’s not talking about the clearing. “I wasn’t where, Graham?”

Graham stares at her before looking around the cell and then back to her again. “This isn’t-” He trails off, and Yaz quickly stops him from trying to sit up, but his eyes widen, and she feels the sudden sharp intake of breath through his mouth as he panics, eyes darting around.

“Graham, hey hey, stop,” Yaz says as she tries to still him. “You can’t move like that, not with the head injury.”

Graham lands his panicked eyes onto her. “What did I say?” He demands, voice coming out in a slur of words.

“You kept saying I wasn’t there, that was all, Graham,” Yaz says, truthfully.

Graham squeezes her hand, and she sees that he’s visibly relaxing now, thankfully. “It doesn’t matter.” He says after a moment. “About where you were… I dunno, I thought I was-”

“It’s alright; you’ve had some nasty blows to the head, probably got confused, okay?” She reassures him with kindness. “We’re safe for the moment, Graham,” He doesn’t reply. “How about we just talk?”

“Talk?” Graham murmurs.

“You know, about stuff, we don’t have much of a chance.” Truthfully, she needs to keep him interacting with her. Anything will do. “Like, how have you been?” She asks. “That sort of thing until the Doctor and Ryan come for us, how about it?”

Graham flicks his eyes back to Yaz’s face again. “Okay, but you talk,” He mumbles, but he grips her hand again, and that’s what she’ll take for the moment. It’s good enough, at least he’s listening and awake, and that will have to do until the Doctor rescues them. Or at least she hopes she will.


	9. 18th Century, America - Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been in a funk with writing and got hung up with the previous chapter.
> 
> Head Injury related issues in this chapter.

There’s definitely something screaming at him that this is all _wrong _because he’s back on that damn moon again. The Doctor and him stood side by side in that control room, hands pressed against the button and faced with that same blasted decision again, but it’s wrong this time. Like it was when Ryan was- His thoughts trail away when something aggravating starts up. His face hurts and he doesn't know _why_. The pain sharp and deep and he tries to bring a hand up to see what it is, only to find his hands locked against the console in front of him. He frowns at them and then looks up when he feels a pair of eyes upon him. His eyes widen. She- she wasn't here and that's possibly the biggest reason why this is all _wrong,_ or at least feels it, because Yaz is stood staring at him and her mouth is moving, but he can’t hear her.

“We have to push it, Graham, we have to save them.” The Doctor says, drawing his attention from Yaz and to her. “It’s the only way.”

“Is it?” Graham asks… why do they have to push it? Yaz is stood right in front- No, she isn’t. She wasn’t there. “No, this isn’t-” He mumbles as he looks around the control room. The movement is hard like there’s a force pushing against him. Yaz stares at him, mouth still moving and he stares at her, trying to lip read.

“_Come on, Graham,”_

“Come on?” Graham murmurs, half distracted. The annoying ache in his face keeps prodding at him.

“We’re suffocating-”

His eyes widen. They are- they’re dying, aren’t they? It’s all so confusing like his brain is lagging behind and once again, he’s not sure _why_. She wasn’t here, there?- She- Graham looks back into her eyes again. “I’m sorry.” He says as his hand presses the button… again? No, not again… he’s done that, this? He opens his eyes, but the motion hurts, so he closes them again and groans.

“Hey, Graham,” Yaz says, voice breaking. “Take it slowly.”

Graham makes a muffled noise at her before he opens his eyes again and looks into her tear-streaked face. “Yaz-”

“Shh, it’s alright-”

“No, it isn’t,” Graham mutters. “You weren’t there-” she wasn’t. How can she be here now? His nose hurts, and he can’t breathe through it. There’s dampness to his shirt, and he hates how it clings to his chest. Constricting and- something… something happened, something important, and that’s not to mention the stabbing pain on the left side of his face.

He carries on staring at Yaz, and he sees the frown crossing her brow. “Wasn’t where, Graham?”

“The- the-” His eyes close again, and moves his hand, trying to motion and think about what he means. “I don’t know-”

“You’ve been injured, Graham-” Yaz says, and he feels her squeeze his hand.

“No,” Graham says, eyes opening again and locking back on her face. “You don’t understand, you weren’t there- it was just me and the-” He trails off, head lolling back down against something soft. He doesn’t have the energy... It all hurts, and he can't remember what happened, not at this moment in time.

“Graham?!” Yaz says with panic. “No, come on, you just woke up-” He feels hands pressed gently against his face. “Don’t pass out again.”

Graham slowly opens his eyes, the blue faded and puzzled. “Yaz?”

“Yeah, it’s me, we’re here together.” She says.

“No,” There’s a moment of clarity on his face, but it’s not there entirely. Almost, but focused on something else. “You weren’t there.”

“I wasn’t where, Graham?”

Graham sees the frown on her face as he stares at her. He quickly looks around the cell, the realisation that he’s not back on the moon dawns on him. “This isn’t-” That was a few weeks ago, this is now, this is- He tries to sit up, but Yaz has her hands on him as he takes in panicked breaths while his eyes dart across the cell.

“Graham, hey hey, stop,” Yaz says as she tries to still him. “You can’t move like that, not with the head injury.”

Graham lands his panicked eyes onto her. “What did I say?” He demands, voice coming out in a slur of words.

“You kept saying I wasn’t there, that was all, Graham,” Yaz says.

Graham reaches out to her and takes her hand, squeezing it gently. The panic subsides when he realises that he never told her, well not much anyway. He’ll chalk it up to the head wound, he supposes. “It doesn’t matter.” He says after a moment. “About where you were… I dunno, I thought I was-”

“It’s alright; you’ve had some nasty blows to the head, probably got confused, okay?” Yaz reassures him with kindness. “We’re safe for the moment, Graham,” He doesn’t reply. “How about we just talk?”

“Talk?” Graham murmurs.

“You know, about stuff, we don’t have much of a chance,” Yaz suggests. “Like, how have you been?” She asks. “That sort of thing until the Doctor and Ryan come for us, how about it?”

Graham flicks his eyes back to Yaz’s face again. “Okay, but you talk,” He mumbles, but he grips her hand again, and he smiles weakly at her.

* * *

Ryan rushes after the Doctor and follows her around the TARDIS. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”

The Doctor doesn’t look at him as she hits levers and switches. She gestures to a switch near Ryan, too absorbed in what she’s doing to worry about him touching the console. “Hit that one, Ryan.”

Ryan follows her command and turns to look at her again. “Doctor,” He says. “Answer, please, you’ve done nothing but-”

The Doctor snaps her head to Ryan, while her hands move across the console. “I’m going in and-” She says, voice snappish while her face twists in anger. “-I’m going to get them back.”

Ryan’s eyes widen a fraction. He’s seen the Doctor angry before, defensive even, but he’s never seen that look on her face before. Eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring slightly, and the severe frown etched onto her previously cheerful face. “Doctor-”

“What?” She spits out, hands holding onto the console and turning white at the pressure. "They hurt my-"

“Don’t do something that you’ll regret,” Ryan cuts in, ever the voice of reason. "Don't mate."

She spins and faces Ryan now, and it takes all his willpower not to step back in fear. For the first time, he truly sees how ancient the otherwise youthful woman in front of him is. “I’m going to get them back, Ryan.”

“Doctor, I once had this talk with my gramps-” He pauses as his mind brings up the image that will forever be seared into his brain. Graham’s limp form being dragged across the rocky path, blood coating his shirt and- Ryan swallows down the rising bile. "Please, don't retaliate, get them back, but don't retaliate against them."

The Doctor snaps her head away from Ryan and stares into the central column of the TARDIS like it holds the answers for her. She takes in a breath and turns her head back to Ryan while her hand reaches out to his. “I’m just getting them back and then we’ll leave-”

Ryan frowns. “What about the energy-”

“I’ll come back by myself and sort it out, Ryan, but it’s not important at the moment.” She smiles, but it’s weak and forced. “Graham and Yaz are, and they need to be cared for.” Ryan nods, and she returns the gesture as she faces the console again and presses a button that puts the TARDIS in flight.

The flight is instant and the Doctor knows her ship hates short trips like that, and she’ll bound to pay for it later on, but at this moment in time, she doesn’t much care. She turns from the console and starts to head to the doors, stopping when she hears Ryan following after her.

“Ryan,” The Doctor says, turning to look at the lad. She spots the worry lines on his face. “I need you to stay here like we discussed-”

“We didn’t discuss anything; you ordered me like I was-”

The Doctor shakes her head. “Ryan I am not having an argument with you at this time, you’re staying here-”

“But-”

“No, Ryan,” The Doctor says, voice taking a gentler tone. “I need someone to set up the medical bay, and I already have enough to deal with in regards to Yaz and Graham, I can’t look out for you as well.” She steps closer. “Please,” Her brows frown, but her eyes show the pain at what happened to Graham. “Graham would never forgive me if you and Yaz got hurt, believe me, he won't.”

Ryan watches the Doctor’s face, and after a moment, he nods and steps back further into the TARDIS. “I’ll get the medical bay set up.” He says. "Get them back, Doctor, but don't take revenge... even if you want to," Ryan looks away. "Because they deserve it, but-" He glances back. "Don't be like them."

The Doctor smiles and nods at him before turning and heading towards the TARDIS doors; once she’s confident that the lad can’t see her face, she allows the look of thunder to appear again — her expression one of grim determination. She'll do what's necessary to get her friends back... and once she has them, all bets are off and that house will be a footnote in history.

* * *

Graham has moved into a sitting position now, his head resting against the back wall of their shared cell and to his annoyance, Yaz has also draped her jacket across his legs. It should be him looking after her.

The pain in the side of his face and nose hasn’t, well, lessened, but it’s become something he’s at least been able to ignore while Yaz talks about her job and family. What her Nani has been doing, how much Sonya has been winding her up... her dads cooking and how she likes Graham's and the effort he puts into making it friendly and safe for her to eat. She calls him caring and her hand squeezes his now and he returns the gesture, just something to let her know that he’s still there, still listening.

But she’s trailed off now, and the silence is uncomfortable. It sets him on edge… even more so now because he can’t really see her without turning to look, and turning causes dizzy spots to appear in his eyes. Speaking of eyes, he’s pretty sure his left eye has swollen, at least he hopes it has, the other option doesn’t bear thinking-

“Why did you do it, Graham?”

Yaz’s question snaps his thoughts from his eye and to her while his heart beats a frantic rhythm. “What- what do you-” Talking is hard, Graham has come to realise. The thoughts and trying to figure out what comes next is _difficult_. “-mean?” He finally finishes.

“I’ve never seen you react like that before, Graham,” Yaz explains, and he feels her move away from him. He watches her with his right eye as she comes and sits so she’s in his line of view. “You were angry, livid even and you lashed out against-”

“Yaz, love,” He says, the name and word mixing together and being drawn out. “What- what he said, I couldn’t just-”

“Graham, I’ve had worse on my job,” Yaz reveals. “I’ve had threats, racist remarks," Her brows knit together. “Why?” Graham lazily takes his right eye off her face and stares down at the jacket in his lap. “Graham, please, answer. I need to-”

“Why? Why- do you- need to- know?” Graham interrupts her, voice muddled as his gaze remains locked on her jacket. “They were going to-” He chokes on the word, and he feels sick. Maybe it’s a mixture of the head wound and the sudden realisation that Yaz was so close to being-

He suddenly leans to the side, left hand slamming against the dirty floor and propping himself upright as he throws up. The motion and movement cause his vision to spin, and he can feel his arm giving out, just as Yaz’s hands are placed against his shaking shoulders, supporting him and then pulling him back into a sitting position when the wave of intense sickness clears.

But he can feel himself slipping again, the urge to close his eyes is so strong, and he could… it would be so simple to just fall asleep-

“Graham,” Yaz voice calls out. “I can’t have you passing out again, not after you’ve just thrown up.”

Graham turns his attention back to her face again, but the urge remains. “I’m sorry,” He mumbles, voice drifting. “You’ll be- be-” His eyes close, and his right arm falls off his lap and onto the floor. “-better of without-”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish as he passes out as Yaz’s eyes widen. Fear overtakes her as she takes his head in her hands and tries to wake him back up.

“Come on, Graham, don’t you dare-” She says, voice going louder and more panicked. “Don’t you bloody dare-”

Yaz reaches a hand out to his neck again and checks for a pulse, panic only breaking slightly when she finds one, but she’s at a loss of what to do… months of first aid training suddenly taking flight when she needs it most, but the panic of losing her mates Grandad and someone that if another person were to ask if he was her Grandad as well, she wouldn’t correct them straight away. "Wake up!"

She continues to talk to him, hoping that she’ll draw him back out again, and she’s not sure how long has passed, but eventually, Graham starts to stir again. 

“The Doctor and Ryan, they’ll be along, Graham, that’s all you have to hold out for,” Yaz says, as her eyes take in his appearance again. His left eye is swollen completely; the blood is dry upon his face. His right eye has bruising forming, probably from the broken nose. He's a real mess and that's just the injuries she can see. They told her back during her training that at some point she would get called to a drunken fight where one would be punched unconscious and she was lucky that that hasn't happened, or so she thought. If she had been called to an event like that, she might be able to figure out how best to help Graham. She takes in a deep breath, holding it and then releasing it as she looks back to his face. At least the bleeding stopped, but she can’t help but see the state of his shirt from her position. Even in the darkened cell, she can see the stain across it.

Yaz smiles with relief when Graham finally opens his right eye to look around. “Hey, Graham,” He looks to her and she sees his confusion. “It’s alright, but you gotta stay awake, okay? You've had a bad head injury.”

"Yaz?" Graham doesn’t frown, but he does stare at her face. “I saved- you cause I- did what I did- to save you, that was why-” He murmurs as Yaz furrows her brows and leans in to listen. “I couldn’t let that happen… had to save you, was the only way-” Graham reveals. “Couldn’t let it happen.” He repeats. "Couldn't lose you."

“I know, Graham,” Yaz says, missing the context completely. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Graham continues to stare at her face, and then he looks around his surroundings and sees the control room again. He glances back to Yaz. “We saved you, you're here-”

Yaz’s furrow turns into a frown. “We?”

Graham’s head lolls to the side. “It was the only way, that’s what she said.”

Yaz stares down at Graham in confusion. Saved? And who is She? Are her main questions, but perhaps he’s mixing up events- combining them together... maybe something from before she knew him, yeah, that's probably it. Hopefully. Still, it’s concerning as she looks at his face again… and she gets the feeling that although he’s awake and currently looking at her… that no one is home, not fully anyway.

She reaches forward and takes his hand in hers. “The Doctor, she’ll be along soon, Graham, can you hold on until then?”

Graham continues to stare at her, and after a moment he nods, the movement so small that if she blinked she would’ve missed it. She doesn’t move out from under his empty gaze. “Please hold on, Graham,” She mutters, mainly to herself. “Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graham told Yaz, only she thinks he's talking about something else :>
> 
> My Tumblr is Braddersbangerz I do talk about what I'm working on there and in a way, it's the best place to contact me :)


	10. 18th Century, America - Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: There is mention of sexual assault in this chapter from a character. It's from an OC, but it is there and it implies what could've happened to them.

Thankfully Graham seems stable in Yaz’s opinion; well, for the moment at least anyway. He’s not passed out again, but his speech is slurred and confusing, and that’s concerning. She doesn't know what the strikes have done to him on an internal scale.

“How are you doing, Graham?” Yaz asks, waiting for him to speak, knowing that it will take him a moment to reply. At least the moment stays the same length. That's something.

“Tired,” Graham mumbles after a moment. “And cold.”

She reaches over and takes one of his hands, and her worry grows when she feels how cold it is. “You just have to hold on, Graham.”

Yaz rearranges the jacket across him, this time making sure to have his hands covered. She pauses quickly when she hears someone approaching their cell. She gives one look at Graham before moving away and grabbing the long, forgotten rope. If it’s the guards, then they will wonder why she isn't tied up anymore, and she can't have them strapping her wrists again.

She wraps the rope around her wrists, anything to make it look like her hands are still bound and prepares herself in a protective manner above Graham.

She hears the lock unlatching, and then the door opens outwards. For a second Yaz is ready to spring into action, only relaxing when it’s someone she saw in the foyer. Although back then, she hardly paid them attention. She still doesn’t move from in front of Graham.

The woman gazes at her, face soft and worn, and most importantly of all, looking at her in concern. “I’m not here to hurt you.” She says. “I have some water and cloth to clean-” She glances to Graham, eyes wide. “Is he-”

“He’s alive.”

The woman exhales with evident relief and walks in. “I’m sorry for what they did to you and him.”

Yaz narrows her eyes, but she can see that the woman is telling the truth at least. She does have water, and what looks to be cloth and her face seems genuine. Yaz back’s off and allows Graham to be seen by her. “They beat him.” She spits out. “He was only protecting me from them.”

The woman smiles kindly at Yaz, and for a moment, she can’t help but picture Grace looking at her. “I’m Eliza.”

“Yasmin,” She says, eyes darting back to Graham. “His name is Graham, and he's a fool for doing what he did-” She doesn't mean it, not really. "-He shouldn't have put himself in danger like that for me."

“Did they hurt you?” Eliza asks, and Yaz can see the worry and fear in her eyes and she knows what she’s asking.

“No,” She says honestly, but the thought settles in her. “They would-” She swallow and perhaps it’s the stress and the fact that someone is speaking to her with care that sets her off. “They would’ve, oh my days; they would've-”

Eliza shushes her and before Yaz can object she’s been pulled into a hug, and she breaks. Tears flowing freely. “How about we help your friend?”

Yaz nods and lets the older woman go. “He’s been hit in the head, left side mainly,” Yaz says, voice coming stronger as she wipes a hand across her eyes. If she keeps her mind on Graham, then she can avoid thinking about what nearly happened. “He’s thrown up and passed out once. I’ve managed to keep him awake for the time being, but he’s confused.”

“Let’s just clean him up, shall we?” Eliza says as she comes forward and kneels in front of Graham. “They are brutes.” She states, voice now making Graham look at her through his right eye. "They take what they want from you regardless of who you are," She explains as she stares in kindness at Graham. "You're both lucky that they never got that far."

"You mean, they would've-"

Eliza doesn't look at her. "I've seen it happen with men and women and I've treated both after it," Yaz spots the expression on her face, and her heart bleeds for the woman in front of her. "But it didn't happen to you two, you both don't have to-"

"I'm sorry, Eliza," Yaz says, truthfully and she doesn't mean to cut her off, but she doesn't want the woman to talk about something that clearly hurts. Not when she's been nothing but kind to them. She turns to watch Graham and spots a look on his face, although it’s confused, he looks alert, and a second before it happens she realises why he's showing an interest in Eliza.

“Grace?” Graham mumbles. "You can't be-"

Eliza raises an eyebrow and glances back at Yaz in question. Yaz takes a breath and comes over to Graham’s other side, hands dropping the rope back to the floor. “She was his wife.”

Eliza chuckles slightly. “Then he must be confused because I’m sure I look nothing like her.”

Yaz smiles sadly. “Believe it or not, but you do, and you're like her, kind and caring,” Yaz explains while reaching a hand out to Graham, pulling his attention to her. “She’s not Grace, Graham,” 

Graham tries to frown at her. “But, she looks-”

“She’s called Eliza,” Yaz gently informs him. “She’s going to clean you up.”

Graham closes his right eye, and Yaz spots the wetness glistening in the low light and her heart breaks for him. “I’m so sorry, Graham, I know it’s hard.” Yaz looks to Eliza and watches her as she prepares a few cloths. “What are you going to do?”

Eliza doesn’t look at Yaz as she explains. “I’ve no medical training, but the guards,” She takes one glance at Graham. “He’s not the first they’ve beaten like this, he won’t be the last,” She rings out a cloth and brings it to Graham’s face. “I’ve learnt to dress and wash the wounds, so they don’t get infected.”

“Will they hurt you if they find out you’re here and that you've helped?”

"Possibly, but they can't afford to hurt me much, not with the war going on," Eliza says as she dabs her cloth across the cuts on Graham’s face with care. The dried blood comes away, but Yaz can see Graham wincing each time the fabric touches him. “It cleans the wound, but it stings-”

“Saline,” Yaz says instantly, and Eliza looks at her in puzzlement. “A saline solution.” She frowns, realising that Eliza probably doesn’t know what that is. “Saltwater, right?”

Eliza nods. “You should use it on your wrists,” She says, picking up a cloth and wetting it before handing it over to her. “They look sore.”

Yaz takes the cloth, eyes staring at it and knowing technically it’s not sterile now. Not if she’s been using the same water with Graham, but that’s hindsight, and Yaz can't blame the woman for not knowing something that probably hasn’t been researched or even thought about. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to at least clean Graham's blood off her hands.

And the motion covers her when she makes it look like she’s cleaning her wrists.

“He has a broken nose,” Eliza points out.

Yaz looks at Graham’s face, glad that the blood has been cleaned away, but he does look pale, and the bruises around his eyes are a lot clearer now. “We just have to wait for the Doctor; she'll help us.”

Eliza raises an eyebrow at her but proceeds to carry on cleaning Graham up. “Did they just hit him in the face?”

“I couldn’t see clearly,” Yaz informs. “I couldn’t see through the man hitting him, but I heard it-” The sound plays in her head, that thud of flesh hitting flesh getting wetter and wetter. “He was dragged here,” She glances to his legs, mind catching up and now figuring out that they’re probably bruised.

Eliza nods. She places the cloths back into the dish of saltwater and brings her hands up to Graham’s shirt, undoing it and looking over his chest. “He doesn’t look injured, but I should clean the blood away-”

She trails off when they both hear noises coming from upstairs. Yaz turns her eyes back to Eliza. “Go if you must, I wouldn’t, and Graham definitely wouldn’t want you getting into trouble for us.”

Eliza smiles and nods as she collects the dish. She hands Yaz a soaked cloth and a dry one before making her way out of the cell and locking the door again.

Yaz watches the door before turning back to Graham and finding him staring at her. “You look a little bit better, Graham, now that you’ve been cleaned up.”

He doesn’t smile or speak, and all she can do is sigh and wish for the Doctor to hurry up as she holds onto his hand.

* * *

The TARDIS has landed just by the verge Ryan and her were lying against, and her eyes linger upon it. Were Graham and Yaz in danger when they were there? Or were they walking into it while she lay there proving a point?

A point she did prove, mind. Ryan was safe, but the man who she was trying to prove it to and Yaz, they weren’t. She allowed them to get hurt and-

The Doctor’s gaze hardens, and she snaps her head to the imposing white house, face twisting in anger at the occupants inside. People who put others through slavery, people who attack a good person-

_ ‘Is he good though, Doctor?’ _A voice says within her head, and she can’t place the voice. Perhaps it’s a blend of her previous regenerations, maybe it isn’t, and at the moment it’s not something she’s putting much thought into it as the question settles into her mind.

Is Graham a good person? Yes, fundamentally, he is a good person. He’s kind, caring, a grandfather, and that’s the signs of a decent person. The decision they made had to be made. It was to save Ryan and Yaz, that was it-

_ ‘Did it have to be made, Doctor?’ _

That causes her to pause again. Halfway between the verge and the house; her feet planted firmly into the stony ground and unwilling to move.

_ ‘You say it was, that it was to save Ryan and Yaz, but did you have to make it? Could you not find another way, Doctor?’ _

It was the only way-

_ ‘Was it?’ The internal says and then pauses. ‘Or was it the easy option? Because what is twenty-one to the countless names written in blood that are held to your name, Doctor-’ _

The Doctor’s hand clenches at her side, and a fury grows. Ryan and Yaz… and Graham, she’ll do anything for them because she can’t fail again, can’t lose them-

_ ‘Was it easy like the Racnoss, Doctor?’ One voice says and her hearts still, the seconds between each beat seeming to go on forever. ‘Doctor, you can stop now-’ _

“No!” She screams in her head. “Don’t use her against me.” 

She pulls her mind back from that dark space. Thinking about her hurts and she’s not here, not anymore, and that means there is no one here to keep her in check. Maybe Graham would’ve fallen into that role if she never made him into a murderer as a child. Never dragged him down the same morally grey path.

And Ryan and Yaz, they will never know what they did together. She told them she was just a traveller and only Graham has seen through that lie. She aims to keep it that way.

The Doctor takes a deep breath and focuses back on the house again as her booted feet hit the floor, hard like a soldier marching off to battle and perhaps she is marching off to fight.

As she makes her way to the steps, she spots the doors opening and a group of men exiting and pointing their weapons at her.

“Stop where you-”

“Put the weapons down!” The Doctor yells, voice commanding respect, and she spots some fidget under her intense gaze. The stare of an old general imposing upon the men gathered in front of her. “Now!”

The men hesitate, and she can see the questioning looks some of them have on their young faces as her eyes travel across them… her eyes linger on one, in particular, his hand now blood-free. Her attention gets brought to another man exiting, this one older and dressed in finer threads.

“What is going on here?” He demands, pushing past the men and staring at the Doctor. “Who are you to order my men?”

The Doctor stares at the man, eyes dark and narrowed. “I have my identification; it’s on the inside of my coat.” She says. “If I reach for it, will your men shoot?”

The man considers her for a moment before nodding. “No, they won’t,” He nods his head and gestures for the Doctor to get her identification. “Very well, this will prove interesting.”

The Doctor reaches a hand into her coat pocket and pulls out the psychic paper and holds it out for the man to take. She watches as he turns it over, eyes moving across it and then widening. “Men, lower your weapons.”

“Sir?” One asks.

“Do it,” The man says. “She is not an enemy.” The man hands the psychic back to her before extending a hand out which she shakes, giving it a tighter squeeze than is needed. “It’s a pleasure to have an aid of General Hamilton himself, Mrs Smith-”

“Doctor-” She corrects. “It’s Doctor Smith.”

“Apologies, Doctor Smith, but I wasn’t aware that he employed-”

“Women?” The Doctor interjects. “Clever man that Hamilton,” She smiles, all teeth showing as her eyes take a glance at the paper. Seems watching all nine hundred casts of Hamilton might’ve paid off for something. “You see, it’s not something you advertise because no one suspects a woman. You didn’t, did you?” She says with a smirk.

“Well, no-”

“Well then, point proven.” The Doctor interrupts while walking forward, back straight. “Now that that’s out of the way, perhaps you will be able to-” She waves a hand through the air, eyes darting to all the men present and making sure to land on the three from before. “-enlighten something for me.”

“Enlighten something?”

The Doctor gestures towards the house. “How about we go inside, uh..?” She cocks her head to the side. “You never introduced yourself.”

“Captain Michael, mam,” He informs her, voice steady. He glances to the men gathered and motions them to move along. “Come on in.”

The Doctor smiles and makes her way forward, brushing past the dispersing guards without care. She doesn’t wait for Captain Michael to open the door for her as she strides in. She has one goal here, and it's not being kind to them. The people here don't deserve that.

Her eyes travel across the foyer with disdain. It’s clean, tidy, and well cared for and she knows it’s all on the backs of people in chains.

She loves the Earth, she loves her people, but when they- Her eyes narrow, -when they enslave each other, abuse and use others to further themselves on a notion that they are better because they were born a certain way, she wonders why she bothers sometimes. Her hand clenches by her side in anger.

Captain Michael comes up behind her. “We should go-”

“Who’s in charge here?” The Doctor interrupts. She shifts her steely gaze onto the captain. “You are just a captain, so this isn’t your land or house.” She spots Captain Michael jaw clenching. Anger? Embarrassment? Maybe it's both, but she doesn’t care. "So who is it?"

“The house belongs to Mr Grayson, mam,” Michael says, voice tempered “And it’s late in the evening, perhaps if we set up a room for-”

“I want to see him.”

“Mam, it is-”

"It's Doctor, not mam," The Doctor turns and faces the captain. “And what I want to talk about involves him,” She edges closer. “About his men.” She says with a smile, all teeth and threatening. “You see, Captain,” She says, leaning away with her arms held behind her back. “I had two people doing very important and very secret work for me here,” She carries talking, never giving him a chance to interrupt. “Work that they wouldn’t be able to-” She pauses this time, face creased in thought. “-talk about.”

That puts Captain Michael on the back foot, and she spots the flash of recognition on his face and she zones in on it. “Get him,” She leans further in, invading his space. “I want him to explain to me why your men beat my man senseless.” She steps back. “And I want you to take me to them now, drag Mr Grayson to wherever you’re keeping them, but I want to see them now.”

Captain Michael eyes dart around. “I don’t know what you're talking-”

The Doctor stares long and hard at him, the smile from earlier replaced by cold fury. “Don’t lie to.” She speaks, voice deathly levelled and measured. “Don’t bloody lie to me because you will not like me when you do.” She steps closer again. “I saw three of your men out there dragging my unconscious friend through those doors,” She pauses. “And a young woman, chained, and I want to know why.” She spits the last word out like a curse. "Get him now."

Captain Michael averts his eyes, anything to avoid staring in the Doctor’s eyes. “Your friends are in the cellar-” He looks up and gestures towards the kitchen. “The kitchen staff will show you,” The Doctor spots him swallowing thickly. “I will fetch Mr Grayson, but he won’t be happy-”

“I don’t care.” The Doctor says, turning on her heel and heading towards the kitchen like she owns the house. She pulls out her sonic along the way, aiming it towards the ground before pulling it back up again and checking the results.

She hesitates outside the kitchen. With a little pressure and direction of the building energy, a nudge, a prod- She could divert it all here. Give herself enough time to exit with Graham and Yaz, and she’s close to doing it if it wasn’t for the sudden appearance of one of the kitchen staff' walking past her hurriedly, hands gripped around a dish.

And she realises she can’t. Not when innocents are here. ‘Weren’t they innocents on the moon?’ a voice says in her head, but she ignores them as she reaches a hand to the woman who walked past her.

The woman looks at her, eyes wide for a moment before she lowers her head. “I wasn’t aware Mr Grayson had guests-”

The Doctor steps forward with kindness on her face. “I’m a visitor, really not planning on staying here for long.” She says with a smile. “I’m the Doctor,”

“Doctor?” The woman says, eyes snapping upwards in an instant. “I’m Eliza, Yasmin said-”

“Yaz?” The Doctor interjects. “Is she alright? Have you spoken to her?”

Eliza nods and places the dish down. The Doctor catches the red water within it. “I was cleaning the wounds they received.” She informs the Doctor. “The men-” She flicks her eyes down the hall. “They brought the man, Yasmin she called him Graham, in a right state.”

“How is he?” The Doctor asks. “Can you show me to them? That Captain said one of the kitchen staff would show me-”

Eliza nods again and gestures for the Doctor to come along with her. She leads her down a set of stairs and into a darkened cellar, only lit by wall candles. There isn’t much within it, a few barrels and a store of food, but that doesn’t keep the Doctor’s attention as she looks at a door. One barred window and a lantern flickering near it.

She wastes no time in approaching the door, hand pulling the sonic out and aiming it at the lock, latching it. She pulls the door open and rushes in.

“Doctor!”

The Doctor snaps her head to Yaz’s kneeling and protective cover of Graham, and she’s there in an instant, coat touching the floor as she stares at the pair of them, hearts thumping in her chest at the sight of them. She brings a hand out to Yaz’s face, and she feels the wetness on it from the young woman tears and then she looks to Graham.

His face damaged, left eye swollen shut, and the bruises. “Graham,” She speaks, drawing his gaze to her. “I’m so sorry this happened to you,” She looks to Yaz. “To the pair of you.”

Eliza comes in behind her. “They are brutes, Doctor, that's all they are.” Eliza takes a breath. "He's been beaten, but they are lucky that that was all that was done to them, Doctor, I've seen what they've done to others. How they took what pleasure they wanted from them."

The Doctor looks at Eliza, her hands clenching in rage at what the women is revealing to her. “How many of you are here?” Eliza seems puzzled by the question, and the Doctor realises she’s going to have to be more explicit. “How many slaves are in this house, Eliza?”

“Not many, Doctor, most have been taken to fight in the war,” Eliza explains. “There’s me and a few others, that’s all, just the women and old.”

The Doctor nods as she looks back to Graham. “I’m going to get you out of here, Graham; you’ll be safe, you both will.” She looks to Eliza. “Can you get the other-” She doesn’t want to use the term, and it sickens her to use it, but she has to. “-slaves?”

“I can, Doctor,” Eliza says. “What for?”

“I’m going to need him to be taken back to my… camp and I’d rather not have the people who hurt him and Yaz do it if that’s all the same to you.” She looks at Graham. “They owe me, and they will pay me.”

Eliza nods and quickly heads away as Yaz stares at the Doctor with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean by ‘pay you’, Doctor?”

“I’m not leaving them here enslaved, Yaz, not after they helped Graham and you and not after what the guards did to him, and not after what Eliza just said they do to people.” The Doctor reveals, keeping her plan hidden from the younger woman. “They won’t be safe here.” She says instead, which is the truth if you look at it in a certain way.

Because what she has planned for the house will be explosive.


	11. 18th Century, America - Part Six

The Doctor takes in a breath of air, nose wrinkling at the smell of blood, sick, and damp hitting the back of her throat. It's sickening and repulsive. She turns back to Graham again and offers him a weak smile as she looks him over. “Did they hurt you at all, Yaz?” she asks, never once removing her eyes from Graham for the time being.

“No, Doctor,” Yaz says. “They were going to hurt me, but Graham-” The younger woman swallows down the anxiety and presses on. “-He attacked the man that did that to him, I’ve never seen him react like that, Doctor, it was like he was someone else. Just anger from him-”

The Doctor looks to Yaz now. “What were they going to do to you, Yaz?” She asks, already knowing the answer, but needing it confirmed anyway.

“I don’t think I need to say what they were going to do, Doctor, because you know.”

The Doctor turns her face away from Yaz and locks it back onto Graham. "He was scared for you, Yaz, scared people, act irrationally." She explains. She brings a hand up to the right side of his face.

And this is definitely a breach of his trust, but she doesn’t care, not anymore. She reaches into his mind, and finds confusion mainly, there is pain and fear as well, but the majority of it is confusion. She pushes in deeper and finds that he's looking at the room like it's two. They're bleeding together, and she quickly realises that he’s not sure where he is because the place he's picturing is the control room back on that moon.

“Has he said anything to you, Yaz?” The Doctor probes. Verbally to Yaz and intrusively to Graham. She doesn’t think he’s said anything… too damaging. If he did then Yaz wouldn’t currently look relieved to see her, but it doesn't hurt to confirm it at least.

Yaz frowns. “Like what?”

The Doctor shrugs at her, mind still looking through Graham’s. “I just need to know if he’s said anything at all.”

“He said he was sorry and that it was the only way-”

“Confusion then,” The Doctor interjects quickly as she finally removes her hand. She looks to Yaz again and watches her face. She spots the worry lines on her young face and then her sore looking wrists. “I’ll get you both out of here, get you both fixed up and right as rain, but you-” She pauses and takes a breath, eyes darting towards the doors. “You have to- have to take what I say with a grain of salt because I'm playing a role here, Yaz.”

“What do you mean?”

“They think I’m an aid to Alexander Hamilton-" She catches the surprise on Yaz's face at that. "-But they need to continue to believe that, Yaz.”

Yaz furrows her brows and nods after a moment. “Do you need me to pretend to be like Eliza?” She asks, voice trying to hold it’s composure. "Because I can if you need me to."

The Doctor shakes her head and reaches a hand out to Yaz. “No, never that.” She smiles again. “Just do as I say because you and Graham are my priority right now.”

Yaz nods again, and the Doctor returns the gesture just as feet can be heard coming down the stairs. They both look towards the doors, spotting Captain Michael from before and a stout looking man with a sneer permanently etched upon his features.

“So this is the woman who barged her way into my home, Captain,” He says, voice filled with venom. "Pray tell why you haven't removed her?"

The Doctor rises to her feet and stares directly at the newcomer. Eyes hard like diamond and darkened into the low flickering out the lantern. “Mr Grayson, I presume?” She says, showing no respect to the man in front of her.

Mr Grayson sneer deepens, and the Doctor would be impressed that a face could manage to turn in on itself like that if her friends weren’t currently in danger.

“And who are you to address me like that?” Mr Grayson spits out as he steps into the doorway of the cell. “Captain Michael said you were of some importance, but I hardly doubt you could be. After all you are only a-”

The Doctor pulls out her psychic paper and throws it at Mr Grayson, cutting him off mid sexist remark. “Read it,” She steps forward, a smirk playing on her face. “You can read, can’t you? Because I can read it for you if you want me to.” Mr Grayson hand clenches around the leather-bound paper. He looks down to it, and the Doctor can’t help the smug look appearing on her face when she spots the man’s eyes widening. “That show you who I am?”

Mr Grayson thrusts the psychic paper back out to the Doctor again. “It matters not,” He speaks. “Because Captain Michael, well, he explained what happened-” His eyes dart to Graham and Yaz. “-Your man attacked my men, he has to pay for his crimes.” Mr Grayson looks up to the Doctor again. “Your girl, she’ll do nicely-”

“No.” The Doctor says, voice dangerous. “I’ll tell you what I want, and you will listen.” She spits out and takes a step towards him, forcing him back out of the cell and into the cellar. "Got that?"

Yaz’s eyes dart between the pair of them as she watches them in the cellar. The Doctor has her back turned to her, but the intensity of her voice is chilling, she doesn’t pick up much, and perhaps that’s what the woman in question wants. There is a part of Yaz that is glad she can’t see her face.

She turns her attention back to Graham again, finding him looking at the Doctor as well. She leans into the older man. “She’ll get us out, Graham,” Yaz says, voice low and whispered. "Will be back in the TARDIS soon, just have to hold on, alright? Ryan is probably worried sick about us."

Graham slowly turns his head to look at her. “I know she will get us out-” He closes his eyes and Yaz gives him the time he needs to speak again. “-She’ll go to hell for you.” his speech is slurred, but she can make out what he's saying. "We both will."

That causes Yaz’s frown from earlier to return. "What do you mean by that, Graham?" Graham stares through her; hand gripped against hers. “Graham?” She asks again, but the pit of worry opens up within her when he doesn't answer her question.

“_They are mine!_”

She instantly snaps her attention away from Graham and onto Mr Grayson, his face red with his finger jabbing into the Doctor’s chest harshly.

“You lot, you’ve taken my slaves for your war, you’ve taken my stock for your war, what else do you want to take-”

The Doctor catches his hand in the motion of jabbing and twists it, sending the stout man to the floor in one move. She holds his hand there, pushing it further and causing him to cry out with a whimper. “I’ve made my demands,” The Doctor snaps at him, eyes quickly flicking up to Captain Michael and seeing that he has his hand on his weapon. “I wouldn’t, Captain.” She lets go of Mr Grayson’s hand, dropping him to the floor. “Because I’m not in the _mood_!”

Yaz flinches at the coldness in the Doctor’s tone, and she holds onto Graham’s hand a little harder than is needed. Footfalls are coming from the stairs, and she hears a gasp. Yaz looks at Graham. She doesn’t want to leave his side so she makes her way around him and angles herself so she can look through the door and still hold onto his hand.

She spots Eliza and a few others, people she remembered seeing in the foyer now stood in the stairwell watching the scene unfold. Three men and one woman, plus Eliza. She turns to watch the Doctor again, and in her current angle, she can partially see a side of her face. There is anger upon it, and it's unnatural and unnerving in Yaz’s opinion.

Captain Michael lowers his hand from his weapon, and he glances to Mr Grayson currently on his knees in front of the woman with eyes like ice. He can’t help the nervous feeling that runs up his spine when the Doctor turns her attention to him. “Maybe you will be smarter, Captain?”

Captain Michael only nods, and the Doctor tears her eyes away from him and lands them on Eliza and the remaining slaves lingering at the stairs.

“Eliza,” The Doctor says, voice sounding a lot calmer now. “Mr Grayson has seen sense, and he’s released you into my service,” She smiles. “You and the others.”

Eliza darts her eyes to Mr Grayson and then to the Captain before returning them back to the Doctor. “Mam?”

The Doctor takes a step towards them. “Do you know how to move a man with a head injury?”

Eliza nods, turning and whispering something to one of her friends. The Doctor watches as two of them head back up the stairs as Eliza turns back around again. “I do, Mam,” She says. “Where do you need us to take him?”

“No!” Mr Grayson snaps, finally pulling himself off the floor. “You can’t take them; they are _mine_-”

The Doctor spins to face him. “I will do what I want, Mr Grayson,” She spits out. “Your men attacked my people,” She leans towards him. “The smartest thing you can do right now is let me leave with them and your slaves and perhaps I won’t inform my superiors.”

They both stay standing there, and Yaz wonders how long the Doctor is willing to stare the stubborn man down. She can’t help but wonder if this is all an act, something to make the men of the house fear her, but the anger and the chilling tone to her voice, that’s not something that is easy to fake, and in her heart, she knows it to be real. Yaz has never seen the woman in front of her that angry before, but maybe they deserve it as she turns to look at the injured Graham.

What they did to him for defending her, what Eliza said that they were both lucky to avoid, it all sits within her like a heavy weight, and she knows the people of this house deserve to be scared, that the slaves deserve to be free and if this is how the Doctor wants to go about it, then she’ll follow her to the end of the Earth if she has to.

But Graham’s delirious comment from earlier plays in her mind. ‘-She’ll go to hell for you.’ What did he mean by that? And why would he say it? She looks back at the Doctor again, spotting that the woman has won the staring contest and is currently pacing across the floor like a caged animal. She is coiled like a spring judging by her clenched hands.  
They’ve got a lot to talk about Yaz thinks to herself, but that’s then, and this is now, and Graham needs help. She hears movement from the stairs again and looks out of the door, spotting two of the males carrying a wooden board.

She moves back reluctantly as they and the Doctor come into the cell and she watches as the Doctor directs Graham onto the board. The Doctor gently speaks to him as she uses Yaz’s discarded jacket as a pillow.

“Where did you want us to take him, Mam?” one of the male slaves asks.

The Doctor pulls her eyes away from Graham and onto the man who spoke. “I’ll lead you to my camp-” She glances to all of them and then focuses on Eliza. “-Is this everyone, Eliza?”

Eliza nods. “Yes, Mam.”

“Good,” The Doctor replies, motioning for the men to help her lift the board. “I’ll stay behind you all,” She says just as Yaz makes her way over as well and grabs a portion of the board as well. The Doctor glances at her and then back up to the people helping them move Graham. “Move slowly up the stairs.” She flicks her eyes to Yaz. “Lead them, Yaz,”

“Doctor?”

The Doctor places a hand on Yaz’s arm and smiles. “I trust you, Yaz,” She says, and Yaz is thankful and relieved to see the caring expression back on her face again. “You’ve looked after Graham so far, kept him awake and alive.” She squeezes her shoulder and lets go, eyes watching them all move away from her and up the stairs. "I trust you to lead them through the house." She calls out after them.

“I will be sending a message to-”

The Doctor turns and glares at Mr Grayson, shutting him up mid-speech. “Do it,” She throws at him. “I really don’t care.” She turns away from the stout man and focuses back onto her task at hand. “They’re not going to get either way,” She murmurs, head held forward, face dark and hidden from view.

The Doctor makes her way up the stairs and stays true to her world as she keeps behind them. She glances around and into the various rooms, spotting guards and other staff, not slaves, but still people who used and abused their fellow humans for gain. She takes a deep breath and pulls her sonic out. She makes sure to keep it hidden from view and up her sleeve as her thumb brushes the top of the button.

Press it. Don’t press it. That’s her decision. Press it. Don’t press it. She looks ahead and lands her eyes on Graham’s body, and by the look of him, one would assume him to be dead. Face pale, clothes covered in blood, and unmoving apart from his chest rising and falling with breath. They did this to him. Her thumb caresses the button again. Press it. Don’t press it. Press it. Don’t press it.

She lifts it off the button again, ever so briefly. She shouldn’t; she should be the better person. Be the person she told Graham to be back on Ranskoor Av Kolos. Back when good and evil and black and white was simpler to define. Before it was all tainted and mixed up.

Back before she made Graham realise that he’s a murderer, back before the Terox Corp where they took that step together that branded them as killers and- and- She returns her thumb back to the button again, hesitating and she removing it yet again. Be the better person a voice whispers, but she stops still in her tracks as soon as she sees the man that injured her friend watching them all leave from a side room. He took them from her and locked them away. Threatened them when she was proving a point. Possibly caused lasting damage to Graham, she doesn’t know. Head injuries are unpredictable.

The man, she never bothered to learn his name, or to speak to him looks at her, and she meets his gaze with hate. She brings her thumb back to the button again, pausing as she stares at him and after a moment she makes her decision. She presses it down hard, thumb turning white from the pressure as she directs the budding energy to coalesce upon the house. It moves through the earth, from where it has spread throughout the swamp, back to the point of origin. She doesn’t know what it is, alien most likely, that much is evident to the sonic and her. Perhaps a crashed ship swallowed by the swamp, the further it’s dragged into the earth the harder it gets pressed upon.

But her job is done, and even if she wanted to, she couldn’t undo it. The spark has been lit, and it’s only a matter a time before it finally releases itself. She marches faster after Yaz and Graham, finding them nearing the TARDIS now. Eliza turns back to the Doctor and looks perplexed.

“Mam?”

The Doctor comes forward. “This is my camp.”

Eliza shares a look between her friends. “I don’t understand; this is just a wooden box.”

“Not just any box, Eliza,” The Doctor says. She catches Yaz looking at her. “Come on you lot,” She says as she places a hand against the wooden door. “I need you to take Graham to the medical bay.”

Yaz sees the confusion on their faces, but she needs to urge them along as well. “Trust us; it’s bigger than it looks.”

Eliza nods and motions for them to continue on and through the threshold of the TARDIS. Yaz and the Doctor hear a chorus of mutterings and wonder, that soon get drowned out by a very familiar voice.

“Grandad!” Ryan calls out, rushing forward and pushing people out of the way. He reaches out to Graham and holds onto his hands. “It’s me, Ryan.”

Graham takes a moment to respond, dazed eyes locking on Ryan’s face. “Ryan, you’re-”

“Medical bay,” The Doctor reminds. “Yaz and Ryan show them where it is while I take us away from here.”

Yaz nods, directing them forward and away from the console room. The Doctor watches them go, and when she’s sure they’re gone, she turns to the display screens, switching them on and watching the surrounding area as her ship shows her the house.

There is a concerned flash across the bond her and her ship share, but the Doctor pushes it away as she lets her anger grow like the pressure beneath the house. She counts down the minutes, then the seconds, waiting with bated breath and as if on cue she sees it: blinding white light, the rumble against the doors and the falling of debris.

And she feels nothing for them. She never bothered to count the number of people in that house as secondary explosions go off and she doesn’t plan to. They don’t count, not after what they did to her friends anyway. She won’t let anyone hurt any of them, that she promises and swears to herself.

They’re hers and hers alone, and she'll do anything to make sure that they will never be in danger like this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of 18th Century, America.
> 
> The next part will take place on a planet of Plants. Sounds fine? Maybe if they weren't empathic plants.
> 
> If you like it please leave a comment <3


	12. TARDIS - Interlude Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're on a short TARDIS - Interlude before we head onto the next story.

Consciousness comes to Graham slowly and painfully. There is a dull ache coming from, well, everywhere in his opinion. His legs are sore to move, arms as well like he’s been in a fight with Tyson Fury and obviously lost the battle.

And even that doesn’t begin to mention the stabbing pains coming from the left side of his face, or is it the right? He really doesn’t know, and he really doesn’t want to open his eyes either, but he has to. There is a soft beeping coming from the side of him, and that's confusing, to say the least.

After a moment of psyching himself up, Graham opens his eyes or eye. There’s something over his left he thinks, _maybe?_ Either way, at the moment he’s glad for that as the low light stings his right. He looks to the ceiling as his confusion deepens. He’s pretty sure that that’s the TARDIS, but the last thing he remembers is…

Graham frowns, instantly regretting that decision as it pulls on his everything, and he would dwell on that, but he doesn’t, not when he has no idea why he’s in so much pain. The beeping coming from beside him increases exponentially, and then he feels hands on his arms, gentle but still causing flashes of discomfort against his tired limbs.

“Gramps,” Ryan says. The sound of his grandson's voice cuts through the panic slightly, but it’s not enough as he starts to remember. “You’re safe now.”

Graham tries to breathe through his nose, finding it blocked. He gasps through his mouth instead as hands grip against the bed frame. No, this is just another figment. Everything still hurts, he’s still in that cell with Yaz.

“Doctor!” The phantom voice of Ryan calls out while he struggles to breathe.

There is another pair of hands on him, this time they aren’t as gentle as the other, but something soon swims into his line of vision. Blonde hair covering her face, and he recognises her. “Graham, you’re safe-”

“No, you’re not-” It hurts, it all hurts, and he’s scared. "_You're not here!_"

There’s a muttering coming from above him, and then he feels hands on his face, cold and forcing him to look into the dark eyes of the Doctor. They stare at one another and then he feels something else. A calm wave is entering his mind and forcing him to breathe normally, to make sure he gets oxygen to his brain.

“Doctor, what are you doing?”

Graham gazes at the Doctor’s face, before flicking his right eye to Ryan and he realises that they do look real, that this isn’t a figment or a nightmare. That he isn’t locked in a cell and that he is safe.

And judging by the relief on the Doctor’s face his reasonings are true. She lets go of his face, and he leans his head back against the pillow as he stares up at the ceiling again.

“Just a little trick my people can do, Ryan,” The Doctor answers Ryan’s question. “I just made Graham feel calm, encouraged him to breathe normally. Easy really.”

“I wouldn’t call that a little trick, Doctor,” Ryan states. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

“I don’t make a habit of doing that-” The Doctor starts, trailing off when she looks at Graham.

Graham glances at the Doctor properly now and then back to Ryan again. Someone is missing. He looks back to the Doctor again. “Where is Yaz?” He asks, finally realising that his throat is dry — something else to add to the list of shit that is aggravating.

“She’s safe and resting,” The Doctor informs. "Like you are."

Graham would nod, but he decides against that. “I need a drink,” He says as he brings a hand up, his right eye catches the strange-looking object connected to his finger. He disregards that, like a lot of stuff that he wants to ask at the moment as he carries on moving it towards his throat to rub at it. “My throat is dry.”

Ryan nods and moves over to the side, and Graham watches him. It’s not long until he’s back and Graham is drinking heavily through a straw. He would laugh and point out that plastic ones are banned now, but he doesn't. He just drinks and drinks. The water soothes his throat, so at least that's one issue he doesn’t have to worry about. He pulls the cup away and stares at it while his brain catches up to everything that has happened recently.

“What happened?” Graham asks. “I’m-” He wants to frown, but he can’t. “I can’t focus-”

“Don’t try to force it, Graham,” The Doctor orders. “It’ll come back, but don’t try to think about it.”

“No,” Graham says. “I remember-” He waves a hand through the air. “I remember the cell and Yaz, and-”

“Gramps, don’t push yourself.”

“But-” Graham starts to say, stopping when he sees the expressions on his grandson and the Doctor’s face levelled at him. “Okay.”

The Doctor stares down at him. “You’ve been seriously hurt, Graham,” She says, and he listens.

“And unconscious for two days, gramps,” Ryan reveals. "Longest days ever."

“Two days?”

The Doctor nods, and she gestures down to him. He follows her hand, finally notices that his clothes have been changed and he’s been placed into something more akin to scrubs. “Who changed me?” He asks, stupidly like that’s the reason the Doctor is gesturing to his body, but Ryan laughs, and that’s a sound he likes to hear after probably worrying the lad.

“The Doctor said it was nothing she hasn’t seen or owned before,” Ryan explains.

Graham blinks, or winks at Ryan, considering he can’t open or even see through his left eye he muses. Then the panic starts back up again when that thought actually settles in his mind. He can’t see through his left eye-

“Graham?” The Doctor voice breaks through the incessant beeping suddenly sounding out through the medbay for the second time. “What’s the matter?”

“My eye-” He swallows and looks to her. “The left one. I can’t see through it, why can I see through it?”

“You have an orbital fracture, Graham,” The Doctor explains while she gestures to her own eye. “Not to mention the broken nose.”

Ryan’s hand pressing against his shoulder provides comfort as he tries to control his breathing. “Am I blind in it?” Graham asks, really not wanting to know the answer if he’s honest with himself. “_Please_.”

The Doctor sighs from above him, and he feels her hand on his hands. “I don’t know, Graham, and I’m afraid we won’t know until the swelling fades.” Her gaze flicks to Ryan’s. “I don’t think you will be, though, but it’s hard to say. I’m sorry.”

Graham looks back into his lap, and he feels rotten. "This wouldn't have happened if I kept my cool," He starts to say as he remembers bits and pieces from before. "I'm sorry-"

“What for?” Ryan and the Doctor ask at the same time.

Graham avoids their gazes. The forgotten cup in his hands is proving far more interesting at the moment. “I worried you all,” He says. “I was-” He closes his eye and tries to think back, but it’s all foggy again, and that's frustrating. “-I don’t know-”

“No,” The Doctor says, and her voice is like ice. Cold and deadly and forcing Graham to shut up and look at her. “We were worried about you, but that wasn’t your fault.” Her face changes and softens. “I shouldn’t have tried to prove a point to you, that’s on me, not you. You were hurt because I didn't listen.”

Ryan nods, and Graham feels his hand on his squeeze shoulder as the younger man glances to the Doctor. “It's not on you either, Doctor,” He says. “You got him, Yaz, and the slaves out-”

“What?” Graham murmurs, right eye focusing on the Doctor.

“You were pretty out of it at the time, Graham,” The Doctor explains. “But I got everyone that was in danger out of that house.” She smiles and flicks her eyes to Ryan. “Ryan, Yaz would probably want to know Graham is awake now and-” She glances away ever so briefly. “-I just need to talk to Graham about his injuries a bit more.”

Graham narrows his right eye slightly as he looks to Ryan, who looks about ready to argue with her. “It’s all right, son,” He says, and Ryan turns to look at him. “Go and let Yaz know that I’m alive-” The sudden flash of fear across both Ryan’s and the Doctor’s face causes him to pause. “Wrong choice of words then.”

Ryan snorts, “Yeah,” He says, but there is relief in his voice. “I’ll let Yaz know that you’re awake,” Ryan squeezes his shoulder again, and Graham brings a hand to Ryan's, patting it. “She’ll be over later; they'll be no stopping her.”

“I suspect she will,” Graham replies as he watches Ryan turn and leave the room. The door swishes shut behind Ryan’s form, and then he hears a click, or he thinks he does. Graham turns to look at the Doctor, and her face has changed again.

This time it’s dark, eyes shadowed, and her head is tilted to the side. “We’re alone.”

Graham watches her face, and if he’s honest with himself, he really doesn’t want to deal with her games at the moment, not with the headache and fogginess in his head right now. “What are you doing, Doc?”

“You were hurt, Graham,” The Doctor says as her hand tightens on his. “When you shouldn’t have been,” She smiles, and it’s disconcerting. “And I can’t have that.”

Her voice is chilling, and there is a part of him that recognises this face and tone of her voice. Graham pulls his hand away and stares at her. “What have you done?”

“They deserved what they got, Graham, that’s all you need to-”

“No, no-” Graham interjects with force. “I’m in pain, I might be blind in my left eye, and I really don’t want to play this game with you-”

“I killed them.” She interrupts.

“What?” There’s a sudden feeling of dread within him. The ship also seems quieter all of a sudden.

The Doctor stares at him, and there’s no emotion on her face at all. “I killed them all, Graham.” Her head tilts again. “I had to stop the energy from building, and I did that by destroying the house.”

Graham’s right eye darts to the door and then back to the Doctor again. “What did you do?”

“I blew the house up.”

Oh, he’s going to be sick. Or he at least feels like he’s going to throw up as that feeling of hairs standing up on the back of his neck hits him.

“They deserved it, Graham.” The Doctor says, voice cutting through the tense moment like a knife through butter. “I got everyone who was innocent out of the house.”

Graham looks back to her again and his face twists. He disregards the pain. “That doesn’t make it right!” His voice raises, and he feels faint. “Get out-”

“No,” The Doctor says, cutting him off. She reaches out and takes his hands. Her grip is firm against them, and he’s scared for another reason altogether right now. “They hurt you-”

“One!” Graham bites back out at her. “One person hurt me.” He breathes hard, disbelieving what he’s actually hearing from her right now.

The Doctor steps away from him quickly, coattails flapping around her legs. “That wasn’t the only reason, Graham.”

Graham looks down to his lap. “What was the other reason then?” He says, voice snappy. "Better be a good one."

The Doctor doesn’t reply straight away; her eyes are locked away from his. “I learnt what they wanted to do to Yaz and-” She looks back at him, and he sees the fear on her face this time. “-what they could’ve done to the pair of you and what they have done to all the other people.” She walks closer, and he can see that her face is pleading with him. “They deserved it.”

“You killed people,” Graham says.

The Doctor stares through him. “So have you.”

Graham narrows his eye. “I know what I’ve done, Doctor, but what I did was to save Ryan and Yaz.”

“And what I did was to save you, Graham,” The Doctor interjects. “You and Yaz, why is it different this time?”

“Because I’m already going to hell, Doctor,” Graham snaps. “There’s nothing to save for me.”

“You’re my friend, Graham,” The Doctor says, and she reaches out a hand to him. He doesn’t pull away from her; he’s too tired now. “I won’t let anything happen to you, or to Yaz or to Ryan.” He stares up at her. “Not again.”

The Doctor steps away from him. “I have to check on a few things,” She says as she walks towards the door. “I’ll come back and check on-”

“What would you do if I made that decision, Doctor?” Graham asks. “If the roles were reversed right now and I stood where you are standing and said that I murdered them,” He looks at her back. “What would you do?”

He watches her, and she doesn’t turn as she speaks. “Get some rest, Graham.”

And that’s it. Graham watches as she too leaves the room and he’s left by himself. Pain shoots through him, but it’s not important. Not when she’s dropped that on his lap. She killed- no, she murdered for him because one person hurt him. An entire house filled with scum, but still, she murdered for him.

_But didn’t you lash out at the same man for a suggestion?_

_Didn't you want to kill him for threatening Yaz?_

Wonders a voice in his head.

And he realises that he might’ve made the same decision if he was in her place. Chose to retaliate against an entire building for one transgression. Afterall he promised to look after Ryan and Yaz, and it seems the Doctor has made the same promise as well, only she has placed him in with them.

They killed to protect them.

And she killed to protect him. Graham looks to the door again, and the uneasy feeling builds within him. She’s willing to step across that line now, and that means people are in danger.

But it also means that their secret might be as well- His eye widens, and his worry builds. He said something to Yaz, mumbled something in his delirious state, but if she knew then Ryan wouldn’t have been there, and she wouldn’t be happy to see him. So he can’t have said much to the younger woman.

He’s not sure now. There is a lot to think about and a lot to try and sort out from the Doctor’s confession to what he could’ve possibly said to Yaz.

And none of that covers what healing he has to do. He’s scared and anxious. If only the Doctor listened to his request when he asked them to leave America, then none of this would’ve happened at all.

People wouldn’t currently be dead because of him and her.

_Again_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Doctor told Graham and he's suddenly got a lot more to think about.


	13. TARDIS - Interlude Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry, I've had work and then I took on Whump-Tober (It's called 'Trouble') where I have daily whump fics following Thirteen and Fam.
> 
> Second of all, I wrote a portion of Chapter Thirteen but I hated it and started again.

_A week later…_

And Graham is stood in the TARDIS console room, bruises faded, but still visible on his lined face. The swelling has gone now, and he can open both eyes, and he’ll never take looking through two eyes again for granted, that's for sure. The relief he felt when the first stream of light hit his left eye, burning and making him shut it again couldn’t have been measured in his opinion. I'm not blind, was all he could think about even when the Doc mentioned that it might be slower, or blurry at points, but he couldn’t care less about that, not when he had his sight back.

And he’s glad to be out of that bed now. Him walking around made it easier on them all. Yaz looked relieved, and that's important. He couldn't stand to see the worry and fear on her face. She shouldn't ever worry about him like that, it's his job to worry about her. They spoke about it, and she asked what he meant by some of the things he said.

_"What did you mean when you said that I wasn't there?"_

_"What?"_

_"You kept repeating that, kept saying "You weren't there." like it meant something to you, why?"_

_"I had a head injury, love; I don't remember-" Oh, he remembered alright. That much is evident by the flash of fear running through him. Cold and sharp. "-I probably would've said or mumbled anything then."_

_"Oh, okay."_

Since when did lying come so quickly to him? Since when did it feel like the norm to him? Maybe when you picked them over others, his internal monologue says. He tears his thoughts away and focuses forward and on the woman who cleaned his wounds when he was out of it, that much he doesn't remember. Eliza. Even she said that she’s thankful that he’s awake and recovered. Said how she prayed for him. _If only she knew_-

Still, he sat and spoke with her and her friends, learnt a lot and- and his gaze hardened and emotions boiled when she explained what that house did to her and her friends. How they took what they want from them, treated them like they weren't humans.

And that was the first time that he finally understood what the Doctor did and why she did it because without question, he would’ve done the same. He can’t help but picture the woman he loves when he looks at Eliza. Her kind eyes a reflection of Grace’s. Such hardship and peril at the hands of people like him who only got where they were because they were born a certain way.

And he’s angry. He knows he has that privilege, hell, it gets thrown around whenever they enter the past. First the 60s, then King James, and now this and he hates it. Hates when people look to him like he’s in charge when he would rather follow than lead. He never wanted to lead, never took the role of captain in a football team or a supervisor at the many jobs he's had over the years. He never wanted to-

“Graham?” The Doctor says, waking him up from his thoughts.

Graham looks up and into everyone staring at him. “What?”

“I said they’re going now,” The Doctor says, hand gesturing towards Eliza and her friends. “We’ve spoken about everything that happened,” She glances to them.

“We’ve decided to go back,” Eliza says. “But the Doctor offered to drop us in the future, somewhere safe.”

The Doctor nods and smiles at them. It’s genuine in Graham’s opinion. She cares for them like she cares for Ryan and Yaz. Innocents. “I picked a good set of years,” Her face turns slightly downwards. “Still rough, but better than what you’ve had before.”

“What year did you pick?” Yaz asks.

The Doctor turns to her and smiles. “1873, about a hundred years later to them,” She turns back around again, pausing halfway to pick up a stack of papers. “These are your papers, no one will question them, and this-” She leans over to the side and picks up a different stack. “I don’t usually do this, but it’ll help you all settle.”

Eliza takes the stacks from her and looks down at it, brows knitting together as she reads. She looks up. “This is a house.”

The Doctor nods. “Down where you used to live, not the same place-” Graham snorts, and he spots the sudden puzzled look on Ryan's face. “-but close enough that you’d know the area.”

“But a house, Doctor-”

“It’s yours,” The Doctor says, looking at all of them.

Her eyes are wide. "I can't accept-"

“It’s the least I can do for you after what you all did for my friends.” The Doctor says. "Please."

Eliza takes a deep breath and smiles at the Doctor. “Then thank you, Doctor,” She says with a sheen to her eyes. “Maybe I’ll turn it into something to help people. Take a leaf from your book after you saved us.”

_Maybe with less of the killing_, Graham thinks, suddenly.

“Maybe a Doctor,” Ryan suggests with a smile. “You know, my nan was a nurse.”

Eliza looks over to him. “You nan sounded like a fine woman, Ryan.” She says, voice ever kind. “I would’ve loved to meet her.”

“I think you two would’ve got along like a house on _fire_,” Graham says, eyes catching the Doctor’s and he spots the look aimed at him. Almost like she's telling him to shut up. “She’d have loved to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Eliza says, looking over at all of them and then finally turning to the Doctor. “What will you do now? Are you going back to the future where you're from?”

“Maybe, back to the future, or past, or wherever the old girl decides to take us,” The Doctor explains. "Wherever we're needed to go."

Eliza nods. “Then I wish you well on your travels,” She says, bending to pick up the bag of stuff that the Doctor allowed them to take from the wardrobe. “I suspect I won’t see any of you again.”

“Probably not, Eliza,” The Doctor says. “We don’t tend to look back, do we Fam?” Ryan and Yaz nod their heads, while Graham simply stares at her. She turns back round to face Eliza again. “Good luck, Eliza.”

“And to you, Doctor," She looks behind the Doctor and towards Ryan, Yaz, and Graham. "-and to you three.”

They all watch as the older woman turns and exits the grand ship, the doors closing behind her swiftly.

“Does she do it?” Ryan asks. “About making a house to treat people.”

The Doctor turns and faces him. “Why don’t we find out?” She says, making her way over to the console and inputting in some dates and times. “We’ll do a google search-”

“Google?” Yaz repeats with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s what you kids say nowadays, isn’t it?”

“We say it, yeah,” Yaz says. “But I didn’t know your TARDIS could access google.”

“It’s not so much google,” The Doctor says, her hand waving through the air as she makes her way around the console and towards the display screens. “It’s just a-” She frowns. “Okay, it is very much like google but more advanced-” Her hands move across the console. The streams of data are impossible for each human to read as they all near her, even Graham, who looks interested in what the woman who cleaned him up did with her life.

“We can't read that.” Ryan points out. "It's all circles and stuff."

The Doctor hums at him, eyes speedily moving over the data streams. "It's my written language." She mumbles. It’s a few moments later when she finally looks up and grins at them. “She did it,” The Doctor says with joy on her face. “She made it into a place to help people. People came and stayed there.”

“Like a hostel?” Yaz wonders. “I can see her doing that.”

“A hostel, a home, a place where people who need help can go,” The Doctor adds on. “It’s still a rough time for her and her friends, but it’s better than what they had-”

“You can say that again,” Graham says, voice low and monotone. "Anything is better than that hellhole." He looks into the Doctor’s eyes from behind Ryan’s and Yaz’s heads, and he knows he's being a bit of a dick right now, but he's still angry. “_You did the right thing, Doc._” He mouths and the Doctor narrows her eyes at him. It’s brief and gone in a flash, replaced by a smile.

“Right,” The Doctor says, hands clapping together. “What should we do now?”

“Sheffield?” Ryan suggests, eyes darting back to his grandad. “If you want to go back we’d understand, gramps-”

“I’m fine,” Graham says. “We don’t have to go back yet.”

“Are you sure?”

Graham shrugs at Ryan. “I don’t want to think about what happened if I’m honest, son, cause if I do, then it’ll be all I’ll think about, won’t it?” He explains. “If I go back to Sheffield, all I’m gonna do is sit there thinking about it.” Graham leans back against the console. “And what do you think the neighbours will say when they see-” He points to the left side of his face. The swelling might be gone, but the bruising hasn’t. “-Mrs Smyth would have a field day telling her friends at the social club about this.”

“He has a point, Ryan,” Yaz speaks. “I’m not sure I’m ready to go back and face my job or the real world yet,” She says, eyes looking sad. “Or have my mum asking questions.”

Ryan looks between the two. He’s nervously shuffling, hands in and out of his pockets and it’s clear to them all that he wants to say something. The younger man stills for a second and takes a deep breath as he looks up at his grandad. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Graham's eyes widen a fraction; he darts them to Yaz who looks surprised and then to the Doctor. He returns them to Ryan again. “And you’re not going to.”

“But I could’ve.”

Behind Ryan, he can see the Doctor standing to her full height. “You won’t lose him, Ryan,” She says. “I’ll make sure of that.” She looks over all of them. “For all of you, that applies.”

Yaz and Ryan turn to look to the Doctor, and they see the caring, smiling face of a woman they have no reason not to trust. She’s protected them; she’s kept them safe. Reasonably safe. She’s always got them back home and within a specific time frame. They have no reason not to believe the lie she built around herself.

But he does. He’s seen that side of her. That cold and calculating side that placed them over others. Two for the price of twenty-one. One for the price of a household, that one he’s not too fussed about if he’s honest.

But all those people? They’re gone because she made a promise that she’d keep them safe. Like the one he made to Grace. It’s just, how far are either of them willing to go to keep it? How many more will be on their hands?

He’s not sure he’ll get the answer to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going on the next portion next. It won't be as long as the American one, but it will hopefully dig into what has happened on an emotional level.


	14. Beh’uz - Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whumptober really got me busy cause I did 24 updates in a row and I honestly had no time to write or work on anything else. If you haven't checked it out it's a bunch of whump fics based on prompts. Thirteen and Fam angst with a smidgeon hurt/comfort and fluff dotted in to break up the pain haha.
> 
> I'm planning the last bloc out for it atm

Graham glances up at the towering plants above them, and he can't help but feel like he’s stepped onto the set of ‘_Honey I Shrunk The Kids_’ in regards to how high they’re growing, something that would never happen on Earth. Well not to flowers and plants, maybe to those giant redwoods though. They look interesting, and he goes to reach out to one, pausing when a thought hits him. Acting without thought or care can lead someone into danger, and even though the Doctor said the people here are friendly, that the planet itself wouldn’t harm them, he hesitates and pulls his hand away. She also mentioned how she’s never been before, but she’s only heard good things and that it would be nice for them.

And Graham guesses that has to at least count for something. He follows through the path the others have made in front. The bruising on his face has nearly vanished now. There are just the faded bruises around his left eye. It still twinges now and then, but it’s healing, and that’s all that matters in his opinion. He hopes that this trip can be calming and a much-needed break for them all.

He looks ahead and spots the Doctor upfront. She looks to be explaining something to an enraptured Ryan and Yaz. Her hands move as she speaks, and he watches her closely. She still acts the same, but he knows she isn’t- or hasn’t been, it's hard now to see her in that innocent light.

But the Doctor tries her best; she really does, it's just, he’s seen into the darkness that coils around her soul. He’s sampled and tasted it at the push of a button, something so simple and in ways powerful, and he hated it, hated being the decider of fates, but what choice did they have? Ryan and Yaz, dead and gone at nineteen and twenty, his one goal gone to keep them safe failed or twenty-one people that he's never met, or even has a chance of meeting considering they were born in different time periods. Him in the past, them in the future.

But that choice has lead onto others now and look where it's driven them both. Twenty-one innocents and a house filled with scum, he might've not pulled the _trigger_ on the second one, but he can't say he wouldn't have done the same as the Doctor, not now anyway. The twenty-one, he regrets, if there were another way, then they would've taken it. The house, on the other hand, he couldn’t give a damn for them. After what they did to Eliza and her friends, to the people before them. For threatening Yaz-

His hands clench at his side, and there's anger blooming in his chest. Graham inhales and schools his face into a neutral expression. It wouldn’t do to let the mask slip that he’s learnt to wear now, but that only frustrates him further. He’s becoming more and more like the woman in front of him. Lying and hiding. Pretending to be something he isn't. A good grandad. Friendly and cheerful.

And pretending that nothing has changed, that he’s still the same man that Ryan accepted as a grandad and the same man that Grace married- He pushes the raging thoughts away and marches after the Doctor.

“Where are we going, Doc?” Graham asks, voice clipped when he catches up to them. “We’ve been walking for a while, and this heat is a nightmare.” He’ll blame the anger on the heat, rather than his thoughts. It’s easier that way. 

The Doctor turns and smiles at him. “It’s not much further, Graham,” She glances to Ryan and Yaz. “As I was explaining to Ryan and Yaz here, we’re heading towards a celebration.”

“What celebration?”

Ryan laughs and nudges his grandad in a friendly manner. “If you walked with us instead of trailing behind in your own world, then you would know, gramps.”

“I wasn’t trailing behind,” Graham says. “And I wasn’t in my own world, I was looking around-” Which isn’t wrong per se, but it’s a twist on the truth. “-anyway, a celebration, what is it?”

“The Beh’uz, the people of this world, come from all around to worship their sun,” The Doctor explains. “You wouldn’t feel Beh’Suz from here, the plants protect you, but where we’re going, you'll see it in the clearing.”

“Are we heading into it?” Graham asks. “Cause I didn’t put-”

“No, we’re not,” The Doctor interjects. “You’ll burn in the direct sun, but we can watch from the shade.”

“They won’t find it offensive?” Yaz probes. “If we’re intruding on them?”

“Not at all, Yaz, they share in it,” The Doctor explains. She turns away from the group. “We’re very nearly there, and you can see them for yourself.”

Yaz glances to Ryan and then Graham and shrugs and walks after the Doctor. Graham gestures for Ryan to go first before following after the trio again. They walk for a couple of minutes, the heat around them getting hotter every second.

The Doctor still looks elegant in her coat, but Ryan, Yaz, and Graham have taken their jackets off and slung them over their shoulders.

“It won’t get much hotter, Fam,” The Doctor calls over her shoulder to them. “Promise you that, but you’ll see, it’ll be worth the heat, better than cold Sheffield anyway.”

They come to the clearing mentioned. It’s big and spans the length of a football field in all directions. “Now, don’t step into the direct light-” The Doctor reminds. She points and draws their attention to a group of people making their way into the circle and towards the gathered many in the middle.

They’re tall with faces blank, save for what looks to be dark eyes and a mouth. Colours range from green to blue to purple and back again. Some have small blooms on their heads, while others have variegated leaves. There's a few that seem to be covered in a bark type substance.

“They look like plants-” Ryan points out.

“They are in a way,” The Doctor confirms. “They breathe through their skin, absorb light and rainfall in the same manner as well.”

“Do they know we’re here?” Ryan wonders. “They haven’t looked at us.”

The Doctor inclines her head to the side and back again. “They do-”

“How?”

“As much as they’re connected to their sun, they’re connected to their planet as well and each other, look-” The Doctor says as her hand gestures forward. “-watch as they touch one another, see the colours blending together?” They nod. "Well, the moment my TARDIS landed here, and we stepped across the soil with our shoes, they knew we were coming."

Graham leans forward and squints at it, stopping when it irritates his left eye. The sun glares in vision, and he steps back, hand rising and gently rubbing at his eye, trying to clear the blurring. It doesn’t clear, and he knows the Doctor said it might be a blur at times, but this is something else. It hurts and stings and-

“You okay, gramps?”

Graham tries to nod, but he feels a wave of dizziness strike him. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea to try and trek across an alien world while he’s still recovering. He reaches out and places an unthinking hand against a nearby stem of a plant. The instant his hand connects, a grey colour bleeds out with black veins spreading across the plant in a sickening blend of colour. “Feeling dizzy, eye acting up.” He mumbles, not noticing the colour spreading out from his hand. "It hurts-"

“What’s happening to the plant, Doctor?” Yaz questions as she steps towards the plant.

“What?” Graham asks, head looking up and turning to where his hand is. He yanks his hand back, feet tripping over themselves. Ryan grabs onto his shirt and stops his stumble. They all watch as the black, and then grey slowly starts to fade black to green. “-I didn’t do that, did I?”

The Doctor frowns and edges towards the plant just as a person from the crowd approaches them. “You touched the stem.”

Graham blinks his eyes, panic lowering when his vision clears, but his heart still hammers. He looks up at the alien in front of him. Their blank eyes stare back at him. “I didn’t mean to.”

The alien cocks their head to the side, and they slowly reach a hand or plant, or, well, Graham isn’t sure what it is to him. Vine perhaps? “May I?”

“What?” Graham asks, pulling his hands to himself. "Sorry, what do you mean?"

“You were distressed, we sensed it from the stem you touched,” The creature replies. “May I see why?”

“Doc?”

The Doctor leans back from the stem and looks interested. “You sensed Graham’s anxiety?”

The alien glances to the Doctor. “We sensed distress, what is anxiety?”

The Doctor frowns. “Might not have a word or feeling for anxiety,” She murmurs. She looks towards Graham. “It’s up to you, Graham if you want to shake their hand.”

Graham stares at the hand offered to him and reaches forward gingerly. He clasps his hand in theirs, and it feels odd, like a plant but warm and- “Whoa, what’s happening?” The creature's hand starts to turn grey with specks of pink, and black.

“You feel many emotions,” The alien states with curiosity. “Distress, uncertainty, tense-” Graham stares at their hands for a moment, only to yank it back when the blend of colour starts to spread across his own hand. “You broke the bonding-”

“Bonding?” Graham repeats as he raises his hand. He exhales when the blend vanishes. “My hand was changing colour I didn't ask for that, and you didn't say it would-”

The creature looks confused. “It wouldn’t have harmed you.”

“Still,” The Doctor speaks. “It probably would’ve been shocking for him-” She says, gently and with care. "We haven't been here before."

“You’re damn right it was,” Graham murmurs as he rubs at the fingers of his hand.

“I did not mean to offend,” The alien says. “We’ve met many people who have come to watch us,” They explain. “But no one who looks like you, we assumed that you would know of our customs like the others before you.”

“What is this bonding?” Yaz probes, arms crossed against her chest and her copper expression on her face. “We have laws of our own as well, and I don't like the sound of bonding with someone without consent from them.”

“I am Bhehus,” The alien greets, or at least maybe to break the sudden change in mood. They turn and look at Yaz. “The bonding is just joining, we learn from the visitors, and you learn from us, it is nothing harmful, but it is usually how we communicate.”

“We just talk back home, mate,” Ryan reveals. “Or shout, depending on your job.”

Bhehus eyes widen ever so slightly. It’s a blink, and you’ll miss it moment. Their face turns back into their blank expression. “You can hide things when you speak though,” They point out. “Bonding reveals all; nothing can stay hidden or buried here-”

Graham freezes. It’s hot and humid on this world, but he feels an intense cold spread across him as he cradles his hand. "I- _you_ had no right to look into my head!" He snaps with anger.

Bhehus, Ryan, and Yaz turn to look at Graham. Bhehus's neutral expression, but there is shock on Ryan and Yaz's faces. "I didn't look into your head; the bonding wasn't complete."

Graham calms slightly, but there's still budding fear flowing through him. "Well, ask next time."

"I will," Bhehus says. "I do apologise for the offence."

Graham nods, at least accepting it for the moment. "Okay."

Bhehus turns back to the group again. “-As I was saying, nothing can be hidden or lied about,” Bhehus continues. “We make honest trades that way because no party can hide from the other-”

“And you can do this by holding onto someone’s hand?” Yaz digs further. Her eyes flick to Graham.

“If the bonding is successful,” Bhehus explains. They look across them all before focusing back onto Graham. “I’m sorry for not explaining our ways to you, truly.”

"This bonding works by holding onto someone's hand?" The Doctor ventures. "Can you do it on anyone?"

Bhehus glances to her. "Not anyone, unfortunately," The Doctor brows knit together as Bhehus faces Graham again. “I started it with you; I won't be able to bond with another again,"

"What does that mean?"

"Not until Beh’Suz rotates around again," Beh’Suz explains. "We can proceed again if you-”

“No,” Graham interrupts. “I don’t want to-”

“Grandad?”

“What?” Graham says with a frown. “I don’t want people to know my secrets-” His eyes flick to the Doctor, and then they focus back onto Ryan again. “-I’m allowed to keep my secrets, and what I’m feeling to myself, I don't want someone to know every aspect about my life.”

Bhehus leans back from the group, sensing that Graham is still put off by what happened. “Our ritual is nearly over now,” They explain, eyes flicking to Graham like they can sense the rolling distress, anger, fear, and perhaps guilt flowing off him in waves. “You are welcome to join us,” Beh’Suz offers as a friendly branch. “Maybe some of you would like to bond with another of my kind, you don’t have to, but you would be welcome to if you wish.”

Yaz nods her head. “Maybe, we'll have to think about it,” She says, eyes glancing to the Doctor. “Is it okay if we stay for a while?”

The Doctor nods after a moment and smiles at Yaz. “Yeah,” She looks to Graham. “Why don’t you and Ryan follow Bhehus-”

“Doctor?” Ryan says.

“It’s fine,” The Doctor responds. She makes her way forward and pats Ryan gently on the arm. “Me and Graham are just going to have a chat-”

“A chat?” Ryan speaks. He turns and looks at his grandad, and there is a concerned expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

Graham nods. “Yeah, fine, son.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah,” Graham replies. He shoves his hands into his jeans pockets. “I was surprised is all,” He explains. He looks to Beh’Suz. "Sorry for snapping." Beh’Suz inclines their head in acceptance.

Ryan exhales and nods after a moment. “Alright,” He says before turning to Bhehus and Yaz. “We’ll come with you, might be worth having a look and all.”

“We’ll catch up in a bit,” The Doctor yells over to them. They both watch as they vanish into the bushes. The Doctor turns to Graham. “Graham?”

“What?”

“Are you-”

“I swear if you ask me if I’m okay, then I’m gonna snap, and I really won't be okay,” Graham speaks, harsh and aggressive and that’s really not him. He exhales, trying to calm himself as he turns and faces the Doctor. “Why didn't you say they could bleeding look into your head, Doc?”

The Doctor looks surprised as much as he does. “I didn’t know, Graham,” She explains. “I said I hadn’t been here before and everything I’ve heard about it has been through the grapevine-” Her eyes dart to his hand. “-If I knew then I would’ve told you.”

“Would that Bhehus have known what we did?” Graham asks, and then he frowns. “I’m not sure on-” He stumbles over himself.

“I’m not sure if Bhehus would’ve been able to see into your thoughts, Graham, I think they might’ve just-” She frowns now. “-got a feel for them maybe, I wouldn't know without seeing it for myself.”

Graham nods, but he’s not sure he accepts that as an answer. “I should really head back to the TARDIS, Doc.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m a liability here,” Graham informs her. “If they touch me, then they could find out and I- I-” He sighs. “That’s my worst fear, Doc; it’s Ryan and Yaz finding out that we killed to save them.”

“You feel guilt-”

“Of course I bloody do, Doc,” Graham interjects, blue eyes searching her green. “-but I also feel fear, and at times it overrides the guilt.”

The Doctor sighs. “They won’t find out, Graham.” She reassures. “They’ll never find out, okay?” She smiles, and Graham feels the chill again for a completely different reason. “Now come on, they’ll be wondering where we got to, won’t they?”

Graham nods, and he watches the Doctor as she turns and heads after Ryan and Yaz. Graham steps after her, eyes flicking to the plant as he passes it. He pauses and reaches out his left hand. He brushes it against it and watches as colours spread like wildfire.

A mix of the same colours as before and then a new one and he’s not sure what it means. Guilt or fear? Which one is the strongest at the moment? He doesn’t know. He removes his hand again, face frowning down at his hand.

Maybe it’ll be something he’ll find out.

If he’s careful, that is.

And he's going to have to be if he plans to stay on this planet.


End file.
